The Treasures of Late Life

In 2018, as I was writing The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul, I interviewed many people, some renowned and some unknown—but none I would call ordinary. We spoke openly about their inner experiences of aging, their trials and triumphs, their fears, and hard-won wisdom. I learned, especially, about their inner obstacles on the spiritual journey of aging (which I call the "shadows of age"), and how they worked through those obstacles in order to uncover the treasures of late-life. I found myself moved to tears and felt a profound affinity with them.

Through that work, combined with many years of research, investigation, and practice, I found that this inner work of age can free us from internal obstacles and allow change (which is inevitable) to change us (which is not inevitable). The psychological and spiritual practices that I offer eventually lead us to discover an advanced stage of human development that is hidden in plain sight—the shift "from role to soul."

This phrase was coined by spiritual teacher Ram Dass, a Harvard psychologist who returned from India in the 1960s and became a renowned guide and bestselling author. He describes this shift in identity from the active roles that we have fulfilled during our lives to something deeper, something connected to a spiritual essence that has inherent value and does not depend on our productivity, accomplishments, or self-image. Ram Dass calls this spiritual essence "loving awareness." Whether we call it "soul," "spirit," or "higher self," when we begin to identify with it, we begin to become who we really are. With this next stage of development, we can unearth the treasures of late-life:

• Releasing the past so that it no longer controls how we feel or act now.
• Releasing our hurt, anger, resentment, and regret by using emotional repair to reframe relationships.
• Cultivating genuine self-acceptance of who we are now, which liberates us from our inner critic and empowers us to feel and act with full authenticity.
• Finding a broader and deeper view of our life stories, which reveals our soul’s mission.
• Reclaiming our lost creativity and exploring its joyous value today.
• Creating a quieter mind, which gives us space from negative emotions about aging.
• Experiencing a deeper identity, which offers freedom from our past roles and responsibilities.
• Discovering revitalized energy that opens us to play, beauty, and gratitude.
• Reconnecting with activism and service ends isolation and connects us to a kinship community.
• Choosing a spiritual practice that fits our stage of life and brings rewards to our mental health, brain health, and emotional health.
• Living with a renewed orientation toward the future that includes our evolutionary purpose and legacy.
• Ultimately, feeling a sense of peace in the face of death.

You may look at these shiny treasures and believe they would be impossible for you to find. They may seem aspirational to you, but not within your reach. So, let me suggest another way to think about them: These are the traits of an elder.

As we release our midlife heroic efforts and values, our wounds and regrets, and start to see our lives from a higher vantage point—as we discover renewed purpose and meaning in late life—we begin to cross a threshold from "hero" to "elder." This archetypal shift in awareness, much like the shift from role to soul, does not occur spontaneously. It requires conscious intention and inner work to cultivate the emerging elder, to become free of the past, grounded in presence, aware of the shadow, and in service to the common good.