The Emotional Strain of Picky Eating

My 3-year-old is a picky eater, which at times causes stress for both of us. So, what does the research say about picky eating? And how can we support picky eaters?

Picky or selective eating impacts up to 20 percent of children to some degree. Despite it often resolving itself, persistent picky eating can have psychological consequences for children and their parents. In regards to parents, navigating picky eating can be emotionally exhausting and triggers anxieties about nutritional deficiencies, growth delays, and health problems. In fact, research shows that parents of picky eaters report heightened feelings of inadequacy, stress, and guilt and frequently experience social judgment and unsolicited advice. It is a primal need to feed our children, so when that need is compromised, it becomes stressful.

From the child’s perspective, picky eating can also be a difficult emotional experience. Fear of new tastes, textures, and even colors of food can result in intense anxieties and aversions. Further, the power struggles over food can lead to familial tension and impact well-being.

As caregivers, our philosophy toward food also has important consequences for our children’s eating habits.

Here are positive ways your philosophy can influence your child:

• Modeling healthy eating: If you prioritize healthy choices and demonstrate a positive relationship with food, your child is more likely to adopt similar habits.
• Creating a positive mealtime environment: If you approach mealtimes with calmness, openness, and enjoyment, your child will associate food with positive emotions and be more receptive to trying new things.
• Encouraging mindful eating: By practicing mindful eating yourself and encouraging your child to listen to their body's hunger and fullness cues, you can help them develop a healthy relationship with food and prevent overeating or restrictive eating patterns.
• Openness to new foods: If you show curiosity and excitement about exploring new culinary experiences, your child is more likely to follow suit and develop a broader palate.

Here are negative ways your philosophy can impact your child:

• Anxiety and pressure: If you are overly stressed about your child's eating habits or express anxiety about their weight or food choices, it can create a negative association with food and lead to picky eating or emotional eating.
• Restrictive and controlling behavior: Enforcing strict rules or limitations around food can backfire, potentially triggering rebellion or developing unhealthy emotional attachments to certain foods.
• Negative self-talk: Modeling negative self-talk about your own body or food choices can influence your child's self-image and relationship with food.

Here are tips for fostering a healthy food philosophy for your child:

• Focus on balance and variety: Encourage your child to explore different food groups without pressuring them to finish everything on their plate.
• Make mealtimes fun and engaging: Involve your child in meal planning and preparation, experiment with different cuisines and flavors, and create a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere at mealtimes.
• Avoid criticizing or pressuring: Focus on positive reinforcement and encouragement when your child tries new things or makes healthy choices.
• Seek professional help if needed: If you are concerned about your child's eating habits or your own approach to food, consult a pediatrician, registered dietitian, or therapist specializing in family nutrition.

What are some specific ways to support picky eaters?

Make mealtimes enjoyable:

• Eat together as a family: This allows your child to observe positive role models and learn through social interaction.
• Minimize distractions: Turn off the TV and avoid screens at mealtimes. Engage in conversation and make mealtime a fun bonding experience.
• Offer choices: Present two or three healthy options and let your child choose one. This gives them a sense of control and responsibility.
• Keep it positive: Avoid pressuring, bribing, or rewarding your child for eating certain foods. Focus on making mealtimes enjoyable and stress-free.

Introduce new foods strategically:

• Start small: Offer tiny bites of new foods alongside familiar favorites.
• Repeat exposure: Children may need to try a new food multiple times (as many as 15 times) before accepting it. Don't give up after one refusal.
• Get creative: Make food fun! Cut sandwiches into shapes, arrange fruit into smiley faces, or involve your child in food preparation.
• Dip it: Dips can make many foods more appealing, especially for younger children. Use hummus, yogurt dip, or even plain butter as an incentive to try new flavors and textures.

Set limits and expectations:

• Serve one meal for the family: Avoid creating separate meals for your picky eater. If they choose not to eat the offered meal, offer a healthy fruit or vegetable later when they get hungry.
• Stick to a schedule: Consistent meal and snack times help regulate hunger and prevent unwanted grazing.
• Focus on balance: Encourage healthy eating habits overall, rather than obsessing over every bite. Remember, even picky eaters will get the nutrients they need over time as long as they are exposed to a variety of healthy options.