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Quit Ignoring the Pleasurable Parts of Your Life. Just Say Yes!
"Honey," I said to my husband of nine years. "Are you bored?" The moment he reacted, I knew the truth and the questions began. How could we reverse this restlessness? How could we add life to our marriage? We'd even started having sex just because it was Saturday night - not because it felt pleasurable or meaningful. I could not longer avoid the truth - the work/life/child-balancing act had literally taken away the spring in both our steps.
I was a woman on a mission and knew only one place could revive the spark we once shared - Las Vegas. I had to prepare. First stop, sex shop. As I wondered through I noticed the place had changed, probably because I hadn't stopped by in a few years. I bought a vibrating bullet and a pleasure ring hoping they'd do the trick. Then I outfitted myself in lace at Victoria's Secret. Next stop, ditch the mommy wear for some tight dresses - you know the kind I used to wear when I was feeling sexy before I had our child and was actually trying to attract a man. Sex toys - check. Racy panties - check. Racy dresses - check. Killer stilettos - check. And most important -
NEW ATTITUDE. Check!
The games began even before we prepared for take off. I knew in order to do this weekend right I had to just say yes. Be fun, don't worry about the time or feel anxious like I usually do. I took my watch off, shut down my Blackberry and ordered a drink on the plane. My husband was already raising his eyebrow to try and figure out what the hell had gotten into me. I must admit, I was nervous to be alone together without our roles or daughter to help fill up the space. I'd become accustomed to ignoring the pleasurable parts of my own life.
Once in our hotel suite, I made the first move. "You know I brought some toys for us to enjoy this weekend." "Oh yeah," he says to me. "Can I take a look?" We used the sex toys and relaxed in the tub. That's when the sparks began to fly. Then the phone rang. My husband's friend wondered if we wanted to go to a concert with him and some of his friends in a few hours. Normally I'm the one who says no. Either it's going to run too late or it's too expensive or I don't know any of these people! I can think of a million reasons to say no. But this weekend was all about saying yes.
I could feel the difference between us already. The more relaxed/affectionate and less bossy/ bitchy I became, the more our attraction took over. He stared deep into my eyes and lingered around in bed longer. And I was taking the time to notice the changes in his behavior. Through these small acts, our chemistry was on fire.
For once, there were no smoke or mirrors hiding our feelings. Connecting emotionally, sharing real conversations and holding hands as we walked under the bright lights of Vegas were the only things on our to-do list. And for the first time in a long time I didn't avoid the truth, which I usually prefer to do because it's nearly impossible for me to accept that I'm not perfect.
And when we were sexual over the next few days, I paid attention to initiating more, pleasing him, opening my eyes, trying new positions, letting him touch me and slowing down for once. These small changes are my new hope for permanent fixtures now that we have returned home from vacation ecstasy. And we finally said goodbye to old baggage after our bags were unpacked.
