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In the folk tale Stone Soup, weary travelers compel hesitant villagers each to contribute a single ingredient to a massive pot that, at first, contained just water and a stone. Slowly but surely, the community co-creates a plentiful soup, nourishing the travelers and the villagers alike.
Good collaborations are a lot like stone soups. When we each contribute our respective resources—whether time, talent, treasure, or tools—we stand to create something greater than what any one of us could have accomplished alone.
But, to which pots should you contribute your ingredients?
Like the villagers, we're sometimes hesitant to jump into the proverbial stew, unsure whether others can be counted on to share what Arthur Himmelman calls the 4Rs of collaboration—risks, resources, responsibility, and rewards. It takes time to build trust among collaborators.
Sometimes people don’t follow through. Sometimes what people bring to the table is not what they promised. Sometimes a much-needed communication arrives well after the window of utility.
What is the recipe for successful soups, err, collaborations?
We obviously cannot control the actions of others. But, we can control our own actions. At the early stages of a relationship, before we know if or how we will collaborate with a particular partner, our actions communicate a lot about who we are, what we value, and how we operate.
Whether in personal or professional relationships, it’s important to say what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you promise. These behaviors, even when enacted on a micro-scale, set a relational trajectory toward trust.
When you first meet someone, if you say you’ll email them a link to a resource that connects to an interest they shared, send the email this week, not a month from now. If you’re in a meeting that has moved too quickly from idea to action, communicate your discomfort with grace and tact.
And, pay attention to how others comport themselves in these same spaces. Does the new colleague follow through on his offer to set up the next meeting? Does the friend of a friend, who just so happens to have a skill you’d welcome on your next project, communicate vulnerability and openness when talking about her work?
In iterated prisoner dilemma games, in which each player must make decisions about what resources to share without knowledge of how the other player has chosen to share resources, rewards are greatest when both players cooperate—sharing as much as they are able.
The winning strategy in these games is straightforward. First, open with a cooperative move. Second, on subsequent moves, do whatever the other player did just prior. Follow cooperation with cooperation. Create a virtuous cycle by contributing early and tailoring your contributions to others’ signals.
Returning to the stone soup metaphor, contribute a carrot or two first. See who eagerly contributes a stalk of celery. Over time, you’ll learn in which pots to pitch your most valuable ingredients—your time and attention.
