5 Signs of a Growing Romance

Building a healthy, deeply intimate, romantic relationship requires effort and time. The results of a Princeton study of 22,000 people involved in romantic relationships suggest that there are some commonalities among those couples that have long-lasting happy relationships. These factors included perceived partner commitment (“My partner wants our relationship to last forever”), partner satisfaction (“Our relationship makes my partner very happy”), and a sense of appreciation (“I feel very lucky to have my partner in my life”).

If you want to have a successful relationship, it would help to know if your partner truly wanted a committed relationship, felt a sense of appreciation for you, and was happy to be in a relationship with you. Knowing the answers to these questions requires that you be able to accurately understand how the other person honestly views you and the relationship.

After all, if you want a long-term deeply satisfying relationship and the other person views you as a pleasant but temporary source of companionship, you'll end up wasting your time. It's easy for someone to say the right thing, but do they mean what they say?

Fortunately, you don't have to rely on words alone to make decisions about where someone stands concerning their romantic interest in you. Looking at their behavior can give you a rich additional source of information. If their behavior matches their words, you can feel more certain that you have a clear picture. If it does not, then it's time to reconsider what to do with the relationship.

Listed below are five behaviors you should look for in your partner. Each of these reflects a growing romantic interest.

1. Your partner has begun to disclose more about his/her vulnerabilities.

This sort of behavior is often quite telling. Why? Because expressing vulnerability reflects a sense of trust, and trust is a crucial element that needs to be present for emotional intimacy to grow.

Admittedly, when disclosures are taken too far, especially early on, it can be a bad thing, and perhaps a sign that someone is not good at setting boundaries. But in general, the gradual disclosure of more personal details of someone’s secret dreams, fears, or history is a good sign.

2. He or she begins to more frequently put your needs first.

You’ll notice when this happens. These sorts of actions stand out and make an impression. We are not talking about someone who had a hankering for pepperoni pizza but agreed to get one covered in sausage. Any self-respecting person who wishes to win over their date will do that sort of thing.

I’m referring to more substantive sacrifices. For example, think of the partner who agrees to spend Thanksgiving with your truly annoying, heart-attack-inducing aunt and uncle because it means so much to you, and in the process foregoes an invitation to enjoy a holiday meal cooked by Martha Stewart in her Vermont estate (sans prison garb).

That is the sort of signal that unmistakably shows a growing interest in the relationship.

3. He or she begins to discuss what the future might look like in two, five, or 10 years from the present—and you are included in that picture.

This one is a soft pitch over the center of the plate—low-hanging fruit, so to speak. He or she is telegraphing a deep-rooted hope that things work out. (On the other hand, if your partner frequently discusses the future and fails to mention your presence—that may be a clue you might want to have a little heart-to-heart chat).

4. Your love interest begins to turn to you more frequently for support about important decisions and other heartfelt matters.

This shows that he or she views you as someone who can be counted upon to be understanding and affirming—an essential quality people look for in their most meaningful relationships.

Tip: If a partner comes to you concerned about something, it may not mean she wants you to provide solutions—and this is especially true of female partners. If she wants advice, she will let you know. Save advice for moments when it is explicitly requested, and at other times simply be supportive.

5. Interest is expressed in those things that captivate your attention but leave your partner yawning.

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When this happens, it shows that your love interest is determined to make you happy. He or she genuinely wishes to learn more about some coma-inducing passion of yours simply because, well, it's part of what makes you tick. (Don't feel bad—we all have hobbies or interests that others find boring).

To be very clear, I am not referring here to the polite conversation that takes place during the initial first few dates where both parties feign interest in what the other is saying. “Oh, really, you have an ant farm? That’s fascinating. Do you name all of the ants? You do? Very thoughtful."

What I am referring to is the more substantive overtures that require your partner to put in real effort or time to become involved in those things that interest you but are thoroughly boring to him or her.

Conclusion

There you have it: Five easy-to-identify signs that your love interest has a growing desire to deepen the relationship. As a bonus, you should likewise consider whether you are demonstrating these sorts of behaviors. If you are not, it may be an indication that you are not overly keen on developing the relationship and taking it to the next level.

If that’s the case, it might be time to reconsider whether this is a relationship that you should continue to put time and energy into maintaining. Life is too short to settle for a romance that stays on a slow simmer.