Schizophrenia: The Recovery Process

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Recovery from schizophrenia can be a slow process. However, it is important to never give up and always strive for wellness and a better life.

I have been in full recovery for 14 years now and am thankful for the insight and progress I have made. Looking back, I believe my recovery encompassed three general phases: emergence from illness and isolation, reintegration into society, and progressive recovery.

Emerging from illness and isolation.

I had just spent a year living outside and almost totally isolated from friends and family when I was admitted to my first hospital. Even in the first few days and before taking my first antipsychotic medication, my admission to a psych ward made me rethink my unrealistic goals, and my delusions began to crumble away.

I realized that it was inappropriate to even think about becoming a Nobel Peace prize winner or world leader. For years, I had lived with these delusions. Along with the voices in my mind, they were the main reason why I was unable to focus enough to work a job.

When I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was never told I had it, at least not for several weeks, probably because my treatment team expected I would not accept the diagnosis. Unfortunately, they would have been right. My first medication gave me severe side effects, which led me to discontinue it.

Finally, I realized that I needed medication to keep me outside the hospital, though I was still not entirely convinced that I had schizophrenia.

After a couple of months on medication, I progressively developed insight, realizing that my homelessness directly resulted from paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions.

I do not think admitting I had schizophrenia was as important as agreeing to take medication. Taking my medication led to insight, which led to accepting the diagnosis.

Reintegration into society.

As I got used to living in a home again (instead of outside), it felt odd to shower every day. While homeless, I often washed up in public restrooms. My skin was dirty during my first hospitalization after being picked up from the street, and it took a few days for me to become as clean as I had been before being homeless. It felt strange to be clean again.

It felt odd to visit shops and stores. While homeless, I almost never carried any money, and I avoided shops and restaurants because I could not pay. (Even while living outside, I never begged, and I was incapable of applying for any government aid.) At first, shopping again felt intimidating.

My period of psychosis and isolation came to an end through a clearer mind, which enabled me to reenter society.

During this stage of my recovery, I did not feel like myself and was reluctant to interact with others. When I met with people, I felt disconnected and didn’t know what to say. My new normal while homeless was being hidden away, and it was hard coming out of that shell. But about the time I accepted that I had schizophrenia, despite feeling socially awkward, I made an effort to meet with people from my church and community.

Now that I had come to believe I had schizophrenia, I needed to educate myself about it. What helped most was learning that schizophrenia is a brain disorder, a physical problem that is treatable with medications (1). I initially thought schizophrenia medications were sedatives and were unaware they could actually improve my quality of life.

During this time of reintegration, I also began to successfully manage my own treatment/medication. I always took the antipsychotic pills as prescribed, never missing even a day. I made sure to get enough sleep and always went to doctor’s appointments, arriving on time.

Progressive recovery.

In 2008, a year after my diagnosis, I found a medication that eliminated all of my symptoms and enabled me to enter a higher level of recovery.

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After losing so many years of my life, I had to redefine myself. I thought about the time that had passed, which I had nothing to show for. It was terribly difficult to think over my lost years, and I was grieving. I felt left behind with so much catching up to do.

However, in 2009, 18 months after I began my new medication, I became well enough to return to college to finish my undergraduate degree. Being back in the college environment gave me confidence, and I felt happy with my life again. I had a new goal: graduating from college with a high GPA. As I worked toward developing my redefined self, I felt hope, and my future finally looked bright.

When I reentered school, I had to decide whether I would disclose my schizophrenia. I tried disclosing it to some people from many years back and a few new friends and received very negative responses, which led me to hide my diagnosis from most people. However, not disclosing left me feeling empty, as though I were living under a shadow.

In 2014, I published my memoir and came out officially and publicly. After my book was published and others could read the whole story, I found acceptance and support.

Each person living with a serious mental health condition needs to choose how often and to whom they will disclose it by using their intuitive judgment. The stigma of brain disorders, especially schizophrenia, can be overwhelming.

Today, I have some limitations. I am not comfortable driving and only work part-time, but I find fulfillment in working for a schizophrenia nonprofit organization and as a writer and motivational speaker. I love my apartment near the university.

Recovery from schizophrenia is typically a progressive process. Today we live in a world where recovery is attainable for many. I hope to encourage others who have embarked on a similar journey as they celebrate new milestones, including redefining themselves and making new goals for the future.