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As I celebrate 12 years of full recovery from schizophrenia, I no longer consider myself to be “mentally ill.” Instead, I think of myself as mentally healthy, in remission, and recovered. I have not been hospitalized since 2008. At that time, I began taking an underutilized antipsychotic medication that essentially saved my life. My parents were key in my recovery, never giving up, even when my doctors did.
Full recovery was never expected to happen for me. When I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, within less than a week of meeting me, my psychiatrist told me I was permanently and totally disabled. Even though he had not had time to try other treatments, he had very low expectations. The idea of thinking outside the box and using an underutilized medication to get me well was never on the table.
During my first hospitalization, three things were totally new to me.
One was meeting with a psychiatrist, or as I thought of him, a “shrink.” The second was taking antipsychotic medication. The third was experiencing a deeper need for family and friends than I had ever felt before in my life.
It’s tough being admitted to a psych ward for your first time. I felt embarrassment for coming in dirty. My homeless lifestyle was my secret until I was hospitalized. I always thought my homelessness was no one’s business but mine. When my treatment team discovered that I was living outside, not in the cheap apartment I lied about, I desperately looked for an excuse and came up with none.
I knew almost nothing about psychologists or psychiatrists. I imagined my new doctor would invite me to lie down on a couch while asking all kinds of personal and perhaps inappropriate questions, trying to dig up trauma where there was none.
As for antipsychotic medication, I envisioned people on these medicines staring blankly into the distance, rocking back and forth, appearing to be like a “zombie.” Unfortunately, my first medication fit the stereotype well with the muscle rigidity, restlessness, and the sedation it caused. It took a year to find an effective medication that really helped and had tolerable side effects.
Looking back, while hospitalized, the most encouraging thing was visits from my parents. During my first hospitalization, in 2007, and through my whole journey, my parents refused to believe that I was a hopeless case. They convinced me to take the meds I was politely refusing. My parents researched schizophrenia as a brain disorder and shared useful information. They helped me break down barriers, stereotypes, and stigma.
Today, I meet excellent psychiatric physicians around the country through my nonprofit work and locally at the University of Cincinnati. I believe the best doctors are committed to breaking down harmful stereotypes regarding psychiatrists and antipsychotic medications. They also realize what an important role the family can play in the recovery process. These things are especially important when working with brand new patients who have preconceived ideas and don’t know what to expect. The lack of understanding about psychiatrists and antipsychotic medication is common in society.
In the era of COVID-19, many patients with brain disorders who have been admitted to hospitals are unable to have visitors due to the risk of infection. Without my parents coming to visit, I can only imagine how difficult my first hospitalization would have been. Would I have continued to refuse medication? Would I have ever reached recovery?
It is imperative that treatment teams and staff members make an even greater effort to encourage and befriend patients who are unable to accept visits from relatives right now during the pandemic. If possible, video chats with family members should be arranged. Treatment team members should listen closely to their patients and try to promote personal, close relationships—always—but especially now.
Family members and friends should be aware that they can do great good by choosing to visit someone in a hospital suffering from a brain disorder, especially if they can help convince a patient to work with their physician toward recovery. Phone calls can also be life-changing.
I’m glad I was never hospitalized at a time when visitors were banned. In seemingly “hopeless” cases like mine, patients and their families should be proactive, working with their psychiatric physician until they come to a point of remission and wellness, or as close as possible. In this process, trusting your doctor and agreeing to take medication on a long-term basis are vital.
Doctors must exhaust all medical options to help patients resume a meaningful life.
