Verified by 
I have written about this in several places, but I would like to approach the topic from a different angle here. Many experts say that stress is our friend, but try to tell this to someone who is being bullied at work, or who is a victim of domestic violence, or who lost a loved one to COVID-19... Yet, paradoxically, this may become true for you – at some point, you could actually be grateful for 2020. But what’s the road that will lead you there?
While in a prison camp, it is rumored that Solzhenitsyn, the famous Russian writer, decided to chop down double the number of trees he was ordered to. Why? He could not change what was happening around him, but he decided to express his freedom by doing something different than what he was ordered to do. Let me be clear: when people are told to wear masks and they refuse out of some delirious sense of personal freedom, it is NOT equivalent to what Solzhenitsyn did. The former is breaking through the impossible in a constructive way; the latter is destructive to both self and society.
It is true that, ultimately, it is not just about what happens to us – what matters more is our response to it. One of the fundamental differences between humans and animals (and perhaps the real difference) is in the choices we have. As Janos Selye, the famous ethologist, put it, you only have three choices when you are in stress. Fight, flight, or seek protection. The fourth option is to get sick or die. To fight, flight, or fold are "easy" options, each a straightforward reptilian reaction. It is when we "seek protection" that things really get interesting.
The question is, how does one seek protection? Is protection inside or outside? One reason why tyrants are often more successful and accepted during a crisis is that most people believe protection needs to come from outside. They look to the system and society to protect them. We are desperate for help from the outside. In our society, the pharma industry (and to a large extent psychiatry and psychotherapy) is very focused on fixing the individual when it experiences symptoms of discomfort or distress. If you are too sad, anxious, and angry, something must be wrong with you. It is not your context, life situation, job, or relationship that needs to change, it is you. If you are in stress and showing symptoms, something must be the matter with you. You need to get medicated and fixed. That’s one extreme.
The other extreme is what a lot the self-proclaimed gurus preach in various forms. If you read their articles about stress, it is all about your inner abilities and your mental strength. Nothing is real, they say, and all you need to do is shift your mental filters and everything will be alright. In this new lens, it is all about you again. Everything hinges upon your magical abilities to change everything INSIDE you, which in turn changes everything AROUND you. But which side is right? Probably neither extreme is true.
There’s a well-known story about a sitar player who was discouraged by his meditation practice and went to the Buddha to ask for instruction. “What happens when you tune your instrument too tightly?” the Buddha asked. “The strings break,” the musician replied. “And what happens when you string it too loosely?” “When it’s too loose, no sound comes out,” the musician answered. “The string that produces a tuneful sound is not too tight and not too loose.” “That,” said the Buddha, “is how to practice: not too tight and not too loose.”
Are we supposed to entirely change the world around us? Can we not have peace until we have changed every part of the system or control it to our satisfaction? Or, on the contrary, are we supposed to accept everybody and everything as they are and simply change our experience of reality? How are we supposed to relate to something like COVID-19? We can’t change what is happening, but perhaps we can control our response and evolve this crisis into an opportunity for ourselves, our families, and our careers? Perhaps even our communities?
One thing is for sure, if you want more resilience during these difficult times, you should know that sustainable stability can only come from an inner source. We should also remember the words of Rabbi Hillel, who said the following in his sermon: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” So, the art is to take this moment of crises and reflect. We need to figure out how to leave when it is no longer good for us, and when to start something and follow our bliss. We need to know when to stop something because the string is too tight. It is the dialectic art of embracing reality and at the same time being able to act for yourself when needed. This balance is what makes the difference.
Some questions that we should all be asking ourselves are:
- What will you start? A new practice, a new job, a new line of study, a new habit?
- What will you stop? A relationship, a bad habit, a way of thinking/limiting belief?
- What will you to embrace? It may be something that you have thought you needed to fight against for a long time, or simply the inevitable truth that so little of our lives are under our control.
- What will you finally let go of? What anger or sadness or disappointment have you been harboring for many years? Who have you not spoken to because you are offended?
- And finally, how will you make this an opportunity for yourself so that you will start something you have been procrastinating on? What does the world need from you today?
Ultimately, I believe the right mindset during this pandemic comes down to the spirit of the Serenity prayer, which was written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. It is commonly quoted as:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
However, most people don’t know that Niebuhr's prayer originally asked for courage first, and specifically for changing things that must be changed, not things that simply can be changed:
“Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”
Therefore, the real starting point is always you. Gather your courage to reflect and answer some of these tough questions. From there, the road leads to action – and action now. If you feel alone, find a coach or a mentor who can hold your hand on the road. But don’t stay still, keep moving. When if not now?
