Love, Judgment, and Diagnosis — Can They Get Along?

How can individuals diagnosed with a mental disorder learn to both love themselves and not be judgmental of themselves?
– Concerned participant at a conference

Getting diagnosed with a mental disorder, and notifying one’s family of it, can be a significant emotional event. For some, the fear of anticipated judgment can weigh heavily. For others, the shock that others in the extended family have their own stories to share reminds them they are not alone. Regardless of individual and familial reactions to diagnoses, the ability to love ourselves honestly, without judgment, can be hard-won indeed. In this post, I discuss key aspects of non-judgmental loving relationships dealing with mental illness: implicit trust, open communication, and patterns of behavior that support these relationships.

Your emotional stance in relationships is your choice, and there are so many choices!

Source: Shubham Dhage / Unsplash

Implicit Trust

It is difficult to trust ourselves, not to mention others sometimes. Implicit trust means a person is willing to trust someone else as much as oneself. When I was diagnosed with OCD, I found myself having to trust my partner and stop my compulsive rituals when she said, “you’re doing it” (Culkin & Culkin, 2021, p. 107)! Trust lays the foundation of honest and open communication in any relationship. It can take years to develop and requires nurturing. The good news is that partners can strengthen trust through simple exercises of daily commitment, routine courtesy, and transparent communication.

Open Communication

Open communication is transparent in that each person clearly tells each other their task, purpose, understanding, feeling, or intent. It is easier said than done because sometimes laziness or fear gets in the way. Assertive communication techniques are helpful tools because they can help everyone focus on the problem instead of on past grudges. For example, using “I” statements can center your comments on how you feel about a situation rather than blaming the other person (see Abramowitz, 2021, pp. 90-91). I have talked more about assertive communication in OCD relationships (2022) in this blog post.

Patterns of Behavior

My wife and I foster our relational trust through what we call the Bank of Civility (Culkin & Culkin, 2021). We try to treat each other like the other would want to be treated, saying “thank you” for gratefulness, “sorry” for regret, “I love you” for agape love, and so forth. The key is to truly mean what you say and avoid empty phrases passing the lips. Over time, this practice shows each partner their commitment to one another, and trust in seemingly small things can translate into larger phenomena as well as self-acceptance.

Conclusion

Loving, resilient relationships, especially those coping with mental illness, often exhibit limited judgment through implicit trust, open communication, and patterns of behavior that reinforce these relationships. For more details and references, please check out my blog posts on these related themes: love in relationships (2024), self-compassion (2023), and spiritual resilience (2024). Put your love where your heart is. Are you ready?!