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Do couples who share housework chores have less sex?
A 2013 study comparing "traditional" couples, in which women do most of the housework, and more egalitarian couples that share chores equally suggested that the egalitarian couples had sex less frequently.
The researchers concluded that "gender display" was an important part of marital sex (i.e., men doing more traditional "male" chores like mowing the lawn or doing repairs and women doing laundry and dishes, etc.). The study generated a lively debate in the media over the pros and cons of sharing housework, and what it means for marital sex.
Even as that debate dragged on, though, other researchers began questioning the study's methodology and whether its conclusions actually made sense. Previous research examining the link between housework and marital sex has often yielded contradictory findings: Some researchers argued that the amount of time spent on housework might actually cut back on the time available for sexual intimacy, though later studies haven't really shown this. If anything, many couples engage in a "work hard, play hard" routine with couples finding time for housework, full-time work, and sex.
On the other hand, there is also the question of how men and women perceive their relative contributions to housework. Often, men may think of themselves as being egalitarian even though their spouses may still be doing most of the actual work. This raises the issue of how men and women differ in terms of what constitutes a fair division of household chores, and whether women find themselves doing more to pick up the slack from less active husbands. How this affects the relationship between housework and sex is harder to measure as a result, though arguments over fairness are certainly likely to reduce the frequency of a couple having sex.
It is also important to consider how attitudes about gender roles in housework have changed over time. While an equal sharing of chores is largely taken for granted today, this wasn't always the case. And people from other cultures often have different views on what work is acceptable for men and women. Since most studies looking at household chores and sex tend to be cross-sectional, they may not reflect the differences between generations and what that might mean for many couples.
A new research study published in the Journal of Family Psychology takes a closer look at the link between male partner participation in housework and marital sex. Matthew D. Johnson of the University of Alberta and colleagues examined data taken from the Panel Analysis of Intimate Relationships and Family Dynamics (pairfam) study. This is a long-term study of more than 12,000 Germans born in three generational "waves" (1971-73, 1981-83, and 1991-93) with data collected annually since 2008 to measure life changes over time.
For those participants who were in a relationship, data on their partners was collected, to study intimate partnerships; relationship with children; parenting and child development; and relationships between generations. All of the married participants completed questionnaires measuring various aspects of marital life, including sexual frequency, sharing of domestic housework, and whether the division of housework was regarded as fair.
Of the thousands of couples recruited for the larger study, Johnson and his team analyzed 1,338 couples who stayed together during the five stages of the study to see how their relationships grew and changed over time. On average, these couples had been together for nearly 10 years, with 70 percent having one or more children. Based on their responses to the questionnaires, couples enjoyed more frequent and satisfying sex when men contributed fairly to housework. This relationship between fair division of housework and sex held up remarkably well over time, even when other potentially confounding factors were taken into account.
Interestingly enough, the actual amount of housework that men did was not as important in determining future sexual frequency as the perception that they did their fair share. The amount of housework men are expected to do often varies depending on the amount of time they have available; how different cultures view men who do housework; and the kind of relationship couples have. As the researchers pointed out in their conclusions:
"Completing housework may or may not be enjoyable, but knowing that a partner is pulling his weight prevents anger and bitterness, creating more fertile ground in which a (satisfying) sexual encounter may occur."
Johnson et al. also looked at female partner fairness and how it related to sexual frequency but found no indication of any real link. Since women are typically expected to do their fair share of housework (if not more), men tend not to attach the same value to a fair division of housework than women do.
So, why are these results so different from the previous study showing "traditional" couples having more sex? First, this study looked at German couples while the other research was collected in the United States. There were also important differences in how the data was collected over time; the kind of couples included in the research; and how housework was actually measured that may account for the different results.
Still, these latest findings do show how important it is to most couples that men do their fair share of housework—and frequency of sex isn't the only benefit that comes from sharing chores. Egalitarian couples also avoid relationship problems which often arise when one partner fails to do a fair share of chores.
For couples seeking to stay together for the long run, establishing a real partnership, including a fair division of household responsibilities, is more critical than you might think.
