Was It Childhood Trauma if I Was Privileged?

Over my last 13 years as a trauma therapist, there has been a question that’s surfaced many times from my clients: Was it childhood trauma if I was privileged?

There’s a bifurcated thought many of us hold that if we had food, a roof over our heads, toys, and clothes, our experiences—painful as they may have been—don’t “count” as childhood trauma because, materially, we had what we needed.

I personally and professionally believe it’s critical that we debunk this myth, unpack why and how many of us hold this belief, and understand why holding a more flexible view on childhood trauma existing against the landscape of a privileged past is important.

Moving beyond the historical view of childhood trauma

Historically, the recognition of childhood trauma has predominantly focused on physical abuse and violence.

This narrow perspective can be traced back to early research and societal understandings, which placed emphasis (understandably) on visible, tangible forms of harm and poor adult outcomes (mentally and socially) because of these experiences.

With physical abuse toward children centered in research and social studies—and, of course, it makes sense why it would be—psychological and emotional aspects of trauma were, until relatively recently, often overlooked, in part due to the challenges in quantifying and assessing nonphysical forms of abuse, and also due to the relatively early stages of this second wave of traumatology work.

But, increasingly, studies have shown that exposure to childhood trauma beyond physical abuse is also associated with adult psychiatric disorders and poor biopsychosocial outcomes, highlighting the long-term consequences of such experiences​ and validating them.

The evolution of trauma-informed care reflects a growing—and, in my opinion, much-needed—understanding of the broad spectrum of childhood trauma, recognizing that trauma can stem from a variety of sources, not just limited to physical violence.

Recent understanding of and dialogue about childhood trauma now accept that emotional abuse, neglect, and exposure to household dysfunction all have profound effects on physical, emotional, developmental, and behavioral health across the lifespan​.

But despite these advances in our conversations, research, and the way we deliver trauma-informed care, the previous emphasis on physical abuse has, for many of us, shaped societal attitudes toward childhood trauma, often marginalizing equally damaging effects of emotional and psychological trauma.

Bottom line: Many people still consciously and unconsciously have an internalized, historical view of what “counts” as childhood trauma and fail to see themselves in the term “childhood trauma.”

Material privilege can make it harder to see your childhood trauma

On top of internalized historical beliefs about what “counts” as childhood trauma, those who grew up with material comfort may find it even more difficult to see themselves in the term “childhood trauma.”

They might ask themselves questions like:

If I had all the food I needed, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, toys, and even went to private school, does my experience “count” as childhood trauma if I had so much privilege?

Mom and Dad were pillars of the community, and we had the biggest, best home in the neighborhood. I’m not sure what I experienced counts.

I shouldn’t complain: We went on vacations, we had household help. I wasn’t poor. Isn’t childhood trauma when you don’t have enough food and you were beaten?

The difficulty individuals from privileged backgrounds face in recognizing their own experiences of emotional and mental trauma as "childhood trauma" is multifaceted.

As I mentioned earlier, societal narratives and internalized beliefs about what constitutes trauma often emphasize physical abuse, neglect, or severe economic hardship, overshadowing the impact of emotional and psychological distress.

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This can lead many to have a dismissive attitude toward their suffering, as they might feel that without visible scars or tangible hardships, their experiences do not "count" as trauma.

Material privilege adds an additional layer of fogginess, as it can evoke guilt ("But we had so much!”) or diminish the perceived legitimacy of their pain, feeding into a belief that their material advantages should somehow immunize them against psychological harm.

Childhood trauma and material privilege are not mutually exclusive

It is critical to remember that trauma is not defined by the external circumstances that cause it but by the individual's subjective experience of those events.

I cannot stress this enough: Trauma is what happens when an event or series of events subjectively overwhelms the brain and body’s ability to cope effectively.

So, this means that one-time events, ongoing stress, and commonly overlooked causes such as deeply disappointing experiences or parental mental cruelty, can all leave lasting effects irrespective of one's socioeconomic status​ depending on the subjective experience of the person who endured these experiences.

To speak plainly, you can have grown up in a mansion and had nannies, but if your father belittled you daily, telling you what a disappointment you were, rejecting you for failing to live up to his standards, failing to provide you with secure attachment, and causing you to internalize beliefs about your own unworthiness and defectiveness, do you think a closet full of designer kids’ clothes would offset those negative impacts?

Speaking as a licensed psychotherapist and childhood trauma recovery expert, I’m here to tell you that no, it would not.

What’s the point of even asking this question?

When we see ourselves, our stories, and the impact of our past clearly, we’re more equipped to legitimize our pain and begin to confront reality (both critical and crucial steps in trauma healing) and seek out the right kind of support and help to begin properly recovering from the impacts of our past.

It’s never too late to have a beautiful adulthood, despite our adverse early beginnings. If you need support, find a therapist through the Psychology Today directory. The sooner we can accept and confront the reality of our painful past, the sooner we can get to work on giving ourselves that beautiful adulthood.