Important Lessons From "Queen Charlotte"

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Spoiler Alert: This post will discuss plot points from Season 1 of Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story. If you haven't seen it, you may want to watch it first and read this after.

The show Bridgerton, based on the book series by Julia Quinn and created for Netflix by Chris Van Dusen, has had two dramatic seasons focused on young debutants searching for love (or, at the very least, marriage), and all the gossip and intrigue that surrounds the upper-crust society of 19th-century England. Presiding over this is Queen Charlotte (Golda Rosheuvel), a poised figure who likes to have her finger on the pulse of the people. Her character was popular enough to earn a spin-off series created by Shonda Rhimes, Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story, that shows her life as a young woman from a small German town marrying the King of England and navigating all that such a union entails.

Queen Charlotte (India Ria Amarteiio) is strong-willed and resilient. She is married off by her brother against her will, only to learn that her prince charming, King George (Cory Mylchreest), has a secret that prevents them from having a normal honeymoon or marriage. George is "mad," and the palace has been working hard to ensure that no one learns of this. Although George tries to conceal his mental-health issues, Charlotte eventually discovers the severe treatments he has been undergoing in attempts to cure himself, and she intervenes.

Their marriage offers important lessons for anyone who has experienced how mental health struggles can impact a relationship. Let's look at a few takeaways.

Disclosure Is Important

A couple can't work through a problem together if not all partners know about said problem.

George tries to cure himself without Charlotte knowing of his condition, but this only serves to separate them. Charlotte feels lonely, isolated, and excluded from his life. For much of the season, she has no idea why he refuses to live in the same home with her. When she does discover his condition, it is in an unfortunate way (he loses touch with reality one night when he was sleeping over, and she ends up chasing a naked George into the garden while he shouts at the stars). She's shocked, but instead of addressing it with George, she goes directly to his mother (Michelle Fairley), whom Charlotte knows was aware of his condition and kept it from her. Because she learns of his illness by chance, instead of an honest disclosure from George, it once again serves to separate them.

However, disclosing mental illness does not have to create distance in a relationship. In fact, it is a chance for emotional intimacy. Healthy relationships require this type of vulnerability, and sharing something like this is a good way to see if the person you're with can make you feel safe opening up.

Timing is important, too. You need to make sure you feel comfortable with your partner, and you'll probably want to share more when you feel secure in your relationship.

Treatment Planning Can Be Shared

Both people can work on a treatment plan that makes sense.

Things got better for George once Charlotte intervened and sent his doctor away. George was submitting himself to torture, on the unfounded promise that the abuse would cure him. Charlotte chose his happiness over his mental health, and given the "treatment" he was receiving, that was the correct choice. And George allows her to step in; he could protest and shut her out, but he doesn't. He lets her help.

The treatment for your mental health is ultimately your choice, but it can be beneficial to have your partner participate in the discussion. They may have new ideas, they can be supportive, and they can provide an observer's perspective on which treatments seem to work and which don't; I tell clients that their partners will often notice a difference in their mood after starting a psychiatric medication before they themselves will. Partners can also sound the alarm when they're worried about you, and help you find a higher level of care.

The point is, if you have someone who loves you and wants to help, let them. They don't need to take over your care, but navigating the medical system and treatment options can be incredibly hard, and two people working on it together is better than one.

Balance Acceptance and Change

If you're with someone who has a serious mental health illness, you'll need to learn what aspects of the illness you should accept and what can be changed.

George was never going to not have psychotic episodes. Their medicine was not advanced enough to rid him of them, and if Charlotte set her expectations on that goal, she would be disappointed. But George could have safer episodes by learning coping strategies and recruiting a small circle of people to support him during them. Charlotte identified what to accept and what could be changed.

When we choose to be with someone, we are choosing that person as they are now, not an imagined or idealized version of who they could be. If your partner has chronic depression, you're choosing to be with someone who struggles with depression. You can support them in seeking the best care possible, and you can be there for them during depressive episodes, but you shouldn't expect them to just stop having depression. It might happen, but it might not, and it's not a fair expectation to set.

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Marriages Can Navigate Mental Illness

The biggest takeaway from this show is that marriages can successfully navigate mental illness. It may not be smooth, and there will be easier times and more challenging times, but healthy communication and a foundation of addressing issues as a team will get you there.

Love does not require people to not struggle. What a relief, since all of us struggle in one way or another.