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As a survivor with both lived and professional experience of dissociative identity disorder, DID, there are a few things I wish people understood. Life with DID is hard, very hard. When you are managing life with multiple parts, there can be competing needs among those parts. What to wear, who to spend time with, career choices, and identifying which parts are responsible for which aspects of daily living (getting ready, taking care of grocery shopping, going to work). One part may pay the bills while another part may have no awareness that a bill is even due, especially early in the recovery process. Living with DID can be exhausting and while DID systems should never be compared, there are some aspects of daily life where we can all relate.
The journey through healing can be cumbersome, expensive, and frustrating. And while there are some beautiful aspects to recovery, I wish I could shout: ”You just don’t get it, life with DID can be so hard!” But how can anyone understand dissociative identity disorder if they don’t live with it and the only thing they have been led to believe is that people who suffer are crazy, inept, or unintelligent—all of which is far from the truth. Many individuals living with DID are bright, capable, and talented.
Imagine managing life with several parts of yourself that feel and can act like completely separate entities. Visiting the dentist, doctor, or gynecologist can feel like trauma is happening all over again. Daily hygiene practices can pose problems, as some parts of the self may have the skill to take care of the body while other parts do not. Body image, body dysmorphia, physical fitness, struggles with weight and food, the list goes on. A person with dissociative identities may shower three times a day to wash off old trauma and shame, and they may not realize they are doing this until they had a moment to reflect. Sometimes if a survivor experiences a trigger they may switch into a younger part and find themselves curled up with a stuffed animal, this can be a jarring and embarrassing experience.
One hopes that friends never witness this level of vulnerability. What would they do? What would they say? A common theme that can replay in the mind of a survivor: If they know this truth, what will happen, will they leave? The threat of abandonment is never far behind.
Those of us who live with DID are also not here for other people’s entertainment, we have survived unimaginable trauma and our responses to stress and triggers need more understanding and compassion. Having a safe place to talk openly about life with DID and its realities is crucial to everyone's well-being. It is one of the biggest reasons I have come out; I want to help others. I spent far too many years feeling alone, scared, and embarrassed; I don't want others to feel that way.
Flashbacks, night terrors, disrupted sleep, body memories, overwhelming panic, the urge to self-harm, suicidal ideation, and relationship struggles are common when living with DID. Although it can be manageable and there is hope on the path to recovery, it’s important for people to understand that this condition is no joke. Not only is the trauma that led to its development excruciatingly painful but living with DID requires empathy and compassion for self. Patience is also key. There is no fast-tracking to heal the trauma.
I wish people took the condition more seriously. I wish people educated and trained themselves to better help survivors. I wish clinicians could admit to their clients when they don’t know something. Those with DID are often more educated than their providers, and while we should be the expert on ourselves, it would be helpful if providers were more informed, not just through a textbook or Hollywood tropes, but through the voices of lived experience. I have learned the most from people living with DID.
We need survivors to know they are not alone. I get it, I see you. It's really hard, keep healing, it does get better. On dark days, there is someone else in the world who knows how hard it is for you. Never give up, and remember to ask for help. You and your DID system are worth it.
The information shared in this blog is not a substitute for therapy or any other form of professional mental health or medical care. It also does not constitute a doctor/patient relationship with Dr. Fletcher. The information provided is for educational and informational purposes only. If you are experiencing a crisis or need help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
