When You Want to Quit, but Can't

High-achieving women are often internally driven to persevere, to do whatever it takes to work through adversity and challenges. But that doesn’t mean they don’t sometimes find themselves in untenable work situations that are not good for their mental and/or physical health. This can include abusive employers or co-workers, toxic work environments, or work hours/requirements that bring them to the brink of collapse. In these situations, it’s usually best to move on and find a new workplace that includes respect, appreciation, and opportunities for professional growth and fulfillment. Although “quitting” for many high-achieving women may initially feel like failure, in the long run, it’s often the right (and necessary) choice for professional success and happiness.

However, there are some situations in which quitting simply isn’t feasible (at least not immediately) or would be detrimental to career development or long-term professional goals. This might be the case if you’re working in a field where jobs are few and far between, in which case quitting would require some degree of long-term planning in order to remain active in a particular profession and continue to earn an income. It might also be the case in limited-time situations, such as internships or apprenticeships, where completion is critical to obtaining professional licensure or certification. In such situations, quitting is likely to thwart professional growth and significantly delay the achievement of career goals, making it quite costly, both professionally and financially, to leave.

Of course, how much a person can absorb in an abusive or extremely difficult work situation is unique to each individual and their life circumstances, and I’m in no way encouraging anyone to remain in an unsustainable work situation. However, for those who think they might be able to get through the challenges by incorporating some coping strategies into their daily routine, here are a few ideas that may help:

• Give up striving for perfection and just focus on getting the tasks at hand accomplished. High-achieving women strive for perfection in almost everything they do, but if it’s coming down to killing yourself to get everything perfect or just getting the job done so you can move on, then let up on the perfectionism and just complete the task. This doesn’t mean doing the job poorly; it simply means not doing the job perfectly at the risk of your mental health.
• Don’t forgo breaks. High-achievers often feel like they should work every minute of the workday. However, removing yourself from a stressful situation or setting, even if it just means stepping outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air, can help you recharge.
• Ask your supervisor if there are opportunities to work remotely, even if it’s just part of a day or part of the week. Being away from the challenging environment may go a long way in increasing your productivity and is likely to make the time pass more quickly.
• Establish boundaries when you’re away from work. If possible, turn off your phone and work email notifications when you're not on duty; physically leave your work environment when you have a break or time off; and don't volunteer for extra shifts.
• Create a positive affirmations notebook. Use it to write something positive about yourself every day before leaving for work, and when you’re struggling, remind yourself what you wrote. Then, before bedtime, use your notebook to write down something you accomplished or that you’re proud of from that day, even if it’s just that you got through one more day.
• Focus on the positive aspects of your work and what it does for you and others. Even if it’s something small, it's better than dwelling on what went wrong or was difficult on any given day.
• Make a to-do list and let it guide you. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s hard to focus and get things accomplished. Creating a to-do list will get the swirling thoughts out of your head and onto paper, and as you work through the list, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment, which should reduce feeling overwhelmed.
• Take time to relax before going into a situation you anticipate will be stressful, such as a staff meeting or a challenging shift. This can include deep breathing exercises, meditation, journaling, mindfulness exercises, or whatever relaxes you.
• Rely on people you trust and use them as a sounding board when the going gets tough. Those who love you will want to support you, and venting can significantly reduce stress. If you don’t have a trusted source or if you feel like you need more support, find a therapist who can help you work through the difficulties.
• Refuel yourself in as many ways and as often as possible. Eat right. Hydrate. Exercise. Wear favorite outfits. Do something that brings a smile to your face. Create time for yourself and don’t let anyone steal it from you.

The bottom line is, if you’re going to get through this difficult period, you’ll need to create as many positive experiences as you can for yourself to counteract the negativity you’re experiencing at work. Not all of these suggestions will be the right fit for you, but incorporating as many as possible that do work into your daily routine might be the fuel you need to get through it and ultimately move on to a healthier place.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.