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Most therapists, particularly those who work with traumatized clients, have had the experience of working with someone in therapy who identifies as no longer having any hope. I am not referring to actively suicidal clients, but rather clients who are sincere in their belief that they are “beyond help,” yet paradoxically continue to make and diligently keep ongoing therapy appointments. I believe this is when a “parts approach” to treatment can be particularly useful.
Acknowledging the "hopeless" part
Therapists should understand and validate that clients often do have a “hopeless part.” This can be the byproduct of:
- Years of relentless trauma, abuse, or neglect and the subsequent manifestations that carry over into adulthood.
- Having unsuccessfully tried remedies other than therapy that may include talking to friends, family, and clergy, or using self-help books.
- Already having undergone years of unsatisfying therapy, often with more than one therapist.
- Having plateaued on medication and not assertively returning to their doctor to either change the dose, augment, or try a different drug.
The protective function of hopelessness
In addition to these legitimate reasons why a client might not present with feelings of optimism or hope, it’s important to explore whether there is also a “protective” function to their hopelessness. The part whose job it is to discount the likelihood of progress or change may be doing so to avoid feelings of disappointment. It may feel safer to have low expectations and remain pessimistic than to allow for the possibility of happiness, and to fall short or “fail.” It’s safer not to hope than to yearn for change and be terribly let down if it doesn’t happen.
Working with the "hopeful" part
Rather than being the well-meaning therapist who immediately tries to get rid of the hopeless part, it’s actually important to identify, honor, and work with that part. This doesn't mean agreeing with or colluding with hopelessness, but it does help to understand it.
Get information about its age, when it was first created, and why it feels compelled to do its job. What is it trying to protect? And what is it afraid will happen if the client begins to access hope?
Once the therapist has established a relationship with the “hopeless part,” he or she can also introduce the idea that, additionally, there is a part that holds hope. We know this is the case because the client continues to show up for therapy.
Rather than one part canceling out the other, it's more accurate to suggest both parts exist. Clients can then be encouraged to be equally curious about a part that “never gave up.” How old is it? When was it created? How can both parts honor and respect each other?
Leading from the "hopeful" part
Whenever possible, I encourage my clients to consciously assess if they can lead from their hopeful part. The following questions can allow for an exploration of that idea:
- What posture is associated with their “hopeful” part?
- What are the thoughts and emotions that emanate from that part?
- What is the non-verbal communication that embodies hope?
- Which situations are safe to allow the hopeful part to lead?
- Are there times when the “hopeless part” wants to take a break or mini-vacation?
- If it didn't have to protect by feeling hopeless, what would it rather be doing instead?
- Is it possible that the protective function of hopelessness is less necessary than in the past?
- Are there other ways for the client to safely take healthy risks without needing to be pessimistic or self-critical?
Allowing clients to give voice to both parts without the agenda of “getting rid of” any part typically leads to a softening of a “scary” part and helps to increase self-compassion and gratitude—which also increases a sense of hope.
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