Pondering the Meaningful and Purposeful Life

I end each day of my job as a West Point professor with a walk through its cemetery. Interred there are famous generals and legions of graduates of West Point and their families. Some were my former students. Others were colleagues and friends. Some died young in combat, but most lived long and impactful lives. They include soldiers, professors, aviators, astronauts, coaches, and clergy. A diverse lot, to be sure, but their headstones have one thing in common: a name followed by two dates—birth and death—separated by a hyphen.

The West Point cemetery.

Source: U.S. Army (public domain)

Resume Virtues

Imagine if you could fill in this hyphen with the story of the deceased’s life. What would they want to be remembered for? Perhaps some would fill the gap with their accomplishments and achievements: where they were raised, the schools and universities attended, academic honors bestowed upon them, the sports they played, their professional accomplishments, number of children and grandchildren, and prizes and awards earned from a lifetime of hard work. Some might like to include how much wealth they amassed and lofty positions attained. Collectively, these can be thought of as “resume virtues.” Resume virtues focus on what you accomplished, not who you were.

Eulogy Virtues

While we are all proud of our achievements and accomplishments, at the end of life, these may be less important than the kind of life you lived. What were your virtues and character? Were you kind, generous, and fair? In what ways did you make the world a better place, through nurturing your family, a profession that benefited others, or through volunteering your time and talents to enrich the lives of other people? These represent what can be called “eulogy virtues.” In contrast to resume virtues, eulogy virtues emphasize those aspects of your personality and behavior that contributed to the greater good.

Most of us would prefer to fill our own hyphen with eulogy virtues. It is rare to attend a funeral and listen to a eulogy that reads like a resume of accomplishments. While a few notable achievements are usually mentioned, most eulogies focus on the character strengths and virtues of the deceased. As a simple exercise, find a listing of obituaries in your area and read a half dozen or so. The first paragraph summarizes key demographics such as birth and death dates and number of children and grandchildren. A brief list of resume virtues often follows, such as degrees obtained and significant life achievements. After these preliminaries, most obituaries address in more depth the virtues of the deceased such as their sense of humor, kindness, volunteer work for their church or community, and so on. It is here that you learn what kind of person the deceased was; what brought them the most satisfaction, meaning, and purpose; and how their lives enriched those of others.

A few years ago, I was asked to offer brief comments at the funeral service of my undergraduate mentor. He guided me through my undergraduate psychology studies and prepared me for graduate school, and then became a lifelong friend and mentor. After completing my doctoral degree in psychology, I eventually become a faculty member at my alma mater, and we then enjoyed 12 years of being colleagues in a small psychology department before I moved on to other positions. I knew him as well as I know my own family members.

When the day came to deliver the eulogy, I knew I could fill the allotted time with his resume virtues. He was a distinguished psychologist and teacher. He published in top journals and authored several impactful books. There were many accomplishments he and his family and friends could celebrate. But I also knew that what my friend and mentor would want me to focus on were his eulogy virtues, not his resume virtues. So, I took the Army’s seven core values—loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage—and talked about how his life reflected each of these core values. Although he was a professor, not a soldier, his life exemplified each of these virtues. I did not need notes. As I talked, I had the sense of his presence, of how his life positively impacted the lives of thousands of students as well as the lives of his family and community, and the words flowed naturally. It was clear that his greatest achievement was not a book or widely cited journal articles, but the profound positive impact his life had on others.

Positive psychology maintains that the good life is characterized by a powerful sense of meaning and purpose. Hedonic pleasures are ephemeral. A satisfying meal is pleasing but does not provide meaning and purpose. Achievements boost our subjective well-being but usually for only a fleeting time. In fact, a good life may be relatively bereft of corporeal or worldly pleasures. Meaning and purpose are much more important to a life well lived, and these are reflected in the eulogy virtues one accumulates through a life well lived.¹

When the time comes to fill in your own hyphen, how do you want to be remembered? Building resume virtues is an important part of life. They are foundational in making our personal lives and society function soundly. Fortunately, resume and eulogy strengths are not incompatible. You can nurture both simultaneously. In doing so, you can make the job of the person who writes your obituary or speaks at your funeral easy. While recognizing your resume strengths, they can extol your virtue strengths and how you made the world a better place. At the end, I suspect that is what an audience, and you, would like to hear.

Note: The views expressed herein are those of the author and do not reflect the position of the United States Military Academy, the Department of the Army, or the Department of Defense.