Verified by 
Maybe I've simply reached that time of life, but it seems that, all of a sudden, people I intimately know are getting sick and dying. Less than six months ago, my best buddy in college died after a long battle with bladder cancer. Soon thereafter, the wife of a dear friend passed away from complications from an organ transplant. Then, to legitimize the aphorism that bad news comes in threes, another close friend’s wife recently died of a heart attack.
What did I do with all this bad news? Well, in the immediate, I knew to give them every ounce of love and empathy I could muster to the survivors in their time of need. I know you would do the same, Dear Reader.
I must confess, though, that mourning these peoples’ passing and supporting their loved ones was not all there was to it for me. Their deaths also forced me to face my own mortality – the fact that one day I wouldn’t walk this Earth anymore. This realization grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, picked me off the ground, and shook me silly.
That's what these deaths did to me. They hit me smack dab in the solar plexus. They rattled me to my foundations. They confronted me with sobering thoughts that brought me to a standstill. One of these days I won't be here. I'll never see my loved ones again. Hell, I might not even exist at all.
Fortunately, as a Rational Emotive Behavior Therapist, I knew not to wallow in these negative thoughts, and I worked to turn around my thinking. I reminded myself that death could be my friend. That, by facing the inevitable fact that one day I'll die, I could choose to focus on the opportunities that exist in my life – today and each day – to savor the moments of pleasure, of happiness, even of joy that already exist and will surely exist as life unfolds. Beyond that, I could choose to actively live my life as an adventure, not only grabbing every opportunity that presented itself, but proactively manufacturing new ones as well.
And that's what I committed to do – to live in the presence of my death, as if it were my friend, a friend that gently tapped me on the shoulder and whispered to me a reminder to embrace, savor, and appreciate all the good that exists in each day of my life.
I urge you to do the same. First, make death your friend. Then, do what you can to live today, and tomorrow, and every tomorrow thereafter, as if it were to be your last day on Earth. If you do, I can't guarantee that you will find more happiness and joy, but I truly believe that you will.
The Action Plan
To move everything I've said from the realm of the abstract into the realm of action, I now offer five strategies for you to adopt to help you make each of your days vibrant and happy.
1. Embrace Today. Imagine today being your last day on Earth. Would you busy yourself with picking up the clutter in your house or balancing your checkbook while skipping your daughter’s softball game or your son's recital? Would you worry about the condition of your thighs or the state of your hair roots while ignoring the stunning sunset?
I think we both know the answers to these questions. The truth is that you are unlikely to die today. But, so what? The purpose of embracing today is to remember to grasp every morsel of pleasure you can each day. You never want to take even one day for granted. You want to slurp every last drop of the milkshake of life from the bottom of your day’s cup.
2. Choose To Do What You Want. A patient of mine said to me just this morning, “I've always done what others have chosen for me to do, not what I've chosen for me to do.” Now, that's a statement I couldn't wait to sink my cognitive-behavior therapist teeth into. I worked to help this person discover what irrational beliefs drove her to act this way. Then, I assisted her in beginning to reprogram her thinking so she could become the chooser of her own choices.
The lesson for you in this story is that you too want to be the chooser of what you chose to do each day. So long as what you want is not illegal, unethical, immoral, or needlessly hurts another, your desires must be a priority. In the face of your inevitable death, you need to figure out what you find most valuable, say “yes” to what these are, and shout “no” to people who want you what’s contrary to what you want. Remember, for goodness sake, today may be your last one on this planet.
3. Love. Think of all the assets you have that can help you create a wonderful life. You have your material assets – your dwelling, your car, your cell phone, your tv, your iPad. You have your financial assets – your cash flow, your savings, your retirement account. And you have your human assets – your family, your friends, your neighbors, your colleagues, even your casual encounters. By far, the most important of these assets are the human ones. Why? Well, for one, they, along with you, manage the other two assets. Far more important, they are the assets to which you can connect with your mind, your heart, and your spirit, the only ones that have the potential for joy. They are the assets that can connect back to you with love and loyalty as a person.
Now, be honest. If today were indeed your last day, would you spend it reading a mystery novel, mowing the front lawn, or folding laundry? I doubt it. You’d spend time with your significant other, your children, your dear friends.
So, why wait till your last day to share your love with the people you love. Tell them you love them. Give them a hug. Tell them about your day. Listen to them about their day. Connect, connect, connect – every day. I promise you that, by doing this, you will reap the happiness benefits. And, by the way, they will too, and then you'll reap the benefits of their happiness.
4. Create Adventures. Why wait till the tomorrow that may never come to go on an adventure? The challenge is to make sure to regularly and purposefully build adventures into each day of your life.
Adventures come in two categories. One are those little treats that you can easily arrange to experience each day – a Baskin-Robbins double dip ice cream cone; soaking in the tub while listening to your favorite music; a good workout on your treadmill. Category two consists of those big adventures that require some planning, that perhaps take time and money, but that give you pleasure both in their anticipation and in their execution – the Paul McCartney concert a month away; the camping trip to the Grand Canyon; the special surprise birthday party you gift your significant other.
So, pepper your life with adventures. You don't want to look back from your deathbed thinking, “I sure wish I had done that,” now do you?
5. Be Grateful. Gratitude for things big and small can enrich our days beyond measure. I think of one of my patients who suffered from both agoraphobia and depression. By spending ten minutes each morning reflecting on the blessings in her life, she dissolved her depression in no time and left the path clear for us to work to rid her anxieties. For those of you not plagued by such emotional burdens, gratitude can simply escalate your life’s satisfaction to new levels of happiness.
Let's imagine that you knew you were going to sleep tonight, but would not wake up tomorrow. Would you spend your last day on Earth reviewing the things that went awry in your life, – your missed opportunities, your disappointments, your setbacks? Or would you be wise to embrace all the good things you’ve experienced from your past and revel in the blessings of your today? We both know the answer.
So, do what my patient did. Start off each day reflecting on all that you have in your life for which you can be grateful. Think about today’s sunshine, the smell of the lilacs in your garden, the cool breeze from your screened windows. Think about your health, the blessing your mind gives you that allows you to enjoy books and jokes and art, the fact that you live in relative safety. Think about your children, your extended family, all those you love whom also love you. By thinking about all these blessings, how could you not have a good day?
Going Forward
Now, to summarize, I want to underscore that you face both good and bad news. The bad news is that one day you are going to die. I promise. Count on it. One day you’ll be here, the next you won’t. It's that simple, that stark, that daunting.
Now, here's the good news. It’s the same as the bad news. Some day you are going to die. You can, if you so choose, use this fact to your advantage. You can use your death to spur you to make the most of each and every day you live, starting today and every day thereafter until there are no more days. I hope the day of your death is a long way off. But, I also hope your days from now till then burst with pleasure and happiness.
In conclusion, I hope this blog benefits you greatly. But, you’ve gotta work it. Till my next one, please live with purpose and passion. Be talking to you down the road.
Russell Grieger, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Charlottesville, Virginia. The author of several self-help books, all designed to empower people to create a life they love to live, he invites you to check out his new relationship happiness book, The Couples Therapy Companion; A Cognitive Behavior Workbook. You may contact Dr. Grieger for questions or for more information at grieger@cstone.net
