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By now everyone is aware that Robin Williams died yesterday of apparent suicide. A sad day when such a gifted and talented man leaves this world before his life has been fulfilled.
Though it doesn’t make headlines, many people die daily and some of them by suicide in the form of a drug overdose, alcoholism or just plain self inflicted permanent damage where they just can’t take life on life’s terms any longer. Yet, the tragic life ending sensations of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Robin Williams catches everyone’s attention and addiction is the topic of the day…for a while. Hopefully the deaths of these talented men will not be in vain and others whom are struggling with the same or similar addiction issues will truly take to heart the life and death struggle with a power greater than them.
So what is this column about? It’s really not about Robin Williams, but about a comment he made as why he was struggling with addiction and recovery. I was driving and not paying very close attention, so forgive me if I don’t have the quote down perfectly, but my ears perked when I heard Mr. Williams say "The more intelligent you are, the tougher it is to let go.”
So, what does this quote mean and why should I write about it? Though I wasn’t able to ask Mr. Williams what he meant by it, my years of counseling interprets such as being too smart for one’s own good and not letting go of one’s pride and ego in order to be humble enough to accept help, advice and guidance from others. Please understand that I’m not implying that Mr. Williams had an ego problem or didn’t try with great diligence to eradicate his addiction issues, I’m only inferring that one’s ego, self will and stubbornness may hinder one’s ability to proceed on a healthy recovery track.
So, what does addiction and ego have in common? Here are some thoughts to ponder:
• I have stated in my book and in previous columns that until the alcoholic/addict says that they will do WHATEVER it takes to become clean and sober and embrace a new lifestyle there is little hope for an unconditional commitment. If the alcoholic/addict picks and chooses his/her recovery path then they are not dedicated to do some of the heavy lifting or uncomfortable portions that go along with learning to obtain a clean and sober lifestyle and are only working the areas that appeal to them. It’s a surface recovery and somewhat just for show and not deep down cleansing.
• Though anything is possible, it is almost impossible for the addicted person to become clean and sober on their own. Addiction is like cancer. It overtakes the body completely and everything needs to be done to thwart the advancing attack toward death.
• The mental addiction of the alcoholic/addict needs to be treated as gallantly as the physical aspect.
• Blaming others for your condition and until that person or persons change their ways then the alcoholic/addict believes they are entitled to continue in their destructive ways.
• Patience needs to be a long suit for the recovering alcoholic/addict. Recovery doesn’t come overnight and many think just because they have gone through a residential treatment facility for a month or so or group counseling for a DUI or anger management that they are cured from their addiction. This is only scratching the surface and a life time of practicing their recovery whether it is AA meetings, one on one or group therapy is a 24 hour/7 days a week process.
Often the alcoholic/addict get’s complacent and believes they are infallible and can just dabble a little from the drug of choice, because they believe they can now handle it and know what the pit falls are and will avoid them. I once heard a recovering alcoholic/addict say "one drink is too many, one thousand is never enough.”
• Ego is the biggest stumbling block for the alcoholic/addict to overcome. They feel that they know better than the professionals advice that they may be seeking or the residential rehab is not for them as there are just a bunch of losers that they cannot relate to or understand. They are not going to air their dirty laundry in public. They feel their addiction is not as bad as others and they can take care of it their way on their own.
If the alcoholic/addict is financially solvent, they may feel that they are smarter and because of their wealth, status or power they are set apart from the average Joe that might come from a lower class life style.
Ego. It all boils down to ego and until one’s ego is truly squashed and left at the door of recovery in a little heap, then all one can do is wait until it’s ego hunting season again and the alcoholic/addict may be ready for a bulls eye hit.
I didn’t know Robin Williams personally, but severe depression and addiction goes hand in hand. I’m sure he was dealing with these Siamese twins on a daily basis. The addiction fuels the depression and the depression fuels the addiction. What a horrific vicious merry-go-round this poor man was on and I’m sure desperately trying to get off. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and families all over the world that are facing the same sadness and devastation regarding their loved ones.
If I can be of service, please visit my website www.familyrecoverysolutions.com or call (805) 695-0049. In addition, I invite you to explore my book Reclaim Your Life – You and the Alcoholic/Addict at www.reclaimyourlifebook.com, PayPal or on Amazon. In addition, my book is available as an audio on my website only.
