Unhappy Imposter: The Challenge of Our Times Is to Be Real

“For there is nothing to lay hold of. I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me.”—Virginia Woolf, The Waves (1931, p. 58)

This personality type, although clever at disguise, is swamped by emotional and psychological distress, haunted by aims and aspirations not yet achieved along with the pressure of nothing ever being enough. These people defend against aspects of reality concerned with absence and loss because they seem intolerable and unmanageable. They need the illusions and idealizations of others focused on them so life can seem other than it is. They construct a solid and tight package as a defense. In dreams, they might appear inappropriately dressed or insufficiently rehearsed because they do not feel ready for life.

Jordan dreamed the following. “I notice a small door at the bottom of my closet and realize it’s been unlocked. I am worried all this time I didn’t know the door existed. I feel vulnerable and lock the door but still do not feel safe.”

This personality type will put in much time to prepare and wish to perform but often does not and backs off. They seem dream-like, ethereal, and without feeling he counts for much. Hurt, they tell no one the totality of what they want and need. Yet, they are bored by the daily grind and the average because it is not exciting or glamourous. The fantasy world has brighter appeal but also is never satisfying and they need more and more. The abyss inside feels endless.

Jordan said, “When I woke up the next day, I was faced with the mysterious door I did not know or see previously.” This represented an encounter with the naked truth and although difficult is also part of the whole psyche. Nonetheless, the descent to the unconscious is what Jung has described as a ‘narrow door’ whose constriction is painful. It is not easy to take off the mask and enter this terrain.

The dream deeply stirred Jordan emotionally, awakening him to something forgotten or ignored. He was intrigued but also scared as he thought he had been careful and prepared but had missed the door. How did that happen and what could it represent? A single dream, like this one, remarkable for its surprise, power, and simplicity can completely change the mood and intentions for the day, week, and foreseeable future.

The dream mirrors the personality. Jordan realized he had been defended against aspects he considered shameful. What was excluded from consciousness was unconsciously holding him a prisoner. This is indicated by the insecurely latched door, more upsetting as he did not even know about it. If locked, he felt safe but now what? The dream draws Jordan to access personality pieces needed for the psyche to assist in achieving individuation, a connection between ego and self, and a deeper relationship with life. The dream positioned at the beginning of his Jungian analytical process is leading him into himself.

People like Jordan have not adequately formed a secure identity making relationships to self and others a trail of confusing series of mishaps and poor choices. The behavior and ways of relating might include aggressive and self‐destructive elements, often hidden from the purview of others. Worried they are behind and cannot catch up, they feel defeated and lost. In the need to be perfect and marvelous, they detest mediocrity, especially their own. Yet they become caught in negative thought cycles, self-denigrating to the point of paralyzing. In these cycles, they cannot find where they fit or what to develop. Due to internal confusion, an adaptation of mimicry and falsity takes over. They become an imposter to themself.

The inner discourse is composed of the selves they cannot face as they lead to addressing the question, ‘Who am I’? This person was supposed to be someone, but not who they are. There are also various dissociations between mind and body as the personality is crumpled. The inner negative scrutiny makes reality disappointing and fraught with anticipated rejection. Becoming a spectator of life, and keeping a distance from others means assuming they are smarter, more attractive, better. They feel separated by a thick curtain they cannot open.

The retreat is from reality, so it does not have to be faced as one feels impotent to cope. The creation of alternative worlds prevents access to the inner and finding self-preservation. Identity shifts to please others, stand out, or fit in with the superficial but to avoid depth and visibility. Life is like hanging on a thread, a knot in the throat, frantic they will not get whatever they are after, hounded by insecurities. Such people keep themselves together through routines and schedules to follow rather than relying on their natural instincts. One is easily decentered, ungrounded. With any hint of negativity and sorrow, they may begin to withdraw and create façades to protect themselves so no one can perceive their real self. Unconsciously, they become subsumed in the separation from authenticity.

The real self has become unavailable, so busy complying with constraints imposed personally, culturally, and socially. Whether noticed or not, this person is hidden while in plain sight. The shadow of the imposter has taken over.

This collision between one’s image of oneself and what one is, is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it, you can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish. (James Baldwin, The Price of the Ticket, p. 244)