The Difference Between Loneliness and Aloneness

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Loneliness stems from perceived isolation and social disconnection, impacting individuals’ health and increasing susceptibility to diseases and premature death. Social connection, a fundamental human need, encompasses the wish for belonging, empathy, and community trust. Collective efficacy and norms of reciprocity strengthen social cohesion, fostering solidarity and support. Emotional connection is an attitude that may be present in the absence of others. In this sense, it is a tranquil aloneness accompanied by inner resilience reinforced by the trust fostered developmentally and historically from positive relationships.

Loneliness, in contrast to social connection, is a pervasive individual and societal issue and poses significant risks to health and well-being. This essay explores loneliness’s essential ideas from clinical and social perspectives. Additionally, it complements the impact of loneliness within the context of normative aloneness, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and the implications of the COVID-19 pandemic. Finally, it outlines strategies to address loneliness at individual, community, and national levels, with particular attention given to Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy’s recent guidelines

In Defense of Aloneness

Viewing aloneness positively during certain life stages is crucial. Solitude holds significant value in both Eastern and Western traditions. Unlike loneliness, which implies deprivation, aloneness is empowering—a concept rich in meaning and practical application. Whether alone or with others, aloneness is viewed positively. Aloneness used wisely is a mindful growth mindset.

For example, solitude, Kevalam or Kaivalya in Sanskrit, represents freedom from forced attachment to objects and overwhelming perceptions. This emotional attitude stands apart from loneliness, embodying confidence, assurance, and a sense of wholeness. Embracing moments of solitude fosters inner peace and allows for introspection and active engagement in multiple aspects of life, whether alone or with others. Feelings of trust, security, and relative completeness characterize it. Being alone with one’s thoughts can promote inner equanimity, enabling mindful experiences ranging from quiet self-reflection to engaging with others in play, work, or simply being present.

Understanding one variety of a healthy aspect of social participation—aloneness—helps to contextualize social disconnection and dysphoric loneliness. A balanced emotional life involves navigating between moments of loneliness and poised aloneness. Integrating self-compassion with compassion for others enriches this dynamic. Some individuals choose to embrace solitude as a deliberate lifestyle, while others may find themselves thrust into it unexpectedly after a relationship ends. Understanding this natural spectrum empowers one to cope with loss or separation to foster emotional well-being amid feelings of distress, ambivalence, regret, and sadness.

Personality Predispositions and Loneliness

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) involves instability in emotions, behaviors, relationships, and self-image, leading to tumultuous personal and social relations driven by a fear of abandonment and fluctuating relationships. This lifelong pattern, where envy is prominent, leads to pervasive loneliness.

“Challenged bonding” in sustaining relationships fosters chronic anger and the envy of being left out. Psychology Today’s “Envy This” series of essays has drawn from the seminal work of the British psychoanalyst Melanie Klein (1882-1960) and her voluminous papers on the unconscious roots of envy. For example, FOMO, the fear of missing out, has become a contemporary issue even for today’s Wall Street investors, who are always seeking more. Loneliness results in the feverish pursuit of acquiring material objects and emotionally clinging to persons. The pain of loneliness is a feeling that life is an emergency in need of immediate action—forming connections at all costs.

Psychosocial Fabric of Loneliness

Prevalence and Statistics

In 2018, Cigna and Ipsos (Healthcare and Global Marketing Research) surveyed 20,000 U.S. adults ages 18 and older, and almost half reported feeling alone (40 percent) or left out (47 percent). One in four (27 percent) felt they needed to be understood. Two in five (43 percent) felt relations were not meaningful and felt isolated (43 percent). Generation Z (those born after about 1995) was found to be the loneliest generation. And social media use alone is not a predictor of loneliness. In all the findings, a lack of meaningful human connectedness is paramount.

The 2020 U.S. Cigna Report on Loneliness factsheet reports the following: 3 in 5, or 61 percent of people, report being lonely; 8 in 10, or 79 percent of Gen Z, report loneliness; 7 in 10, or 71 percent of millennials (ages 28 to 43); and 50 percent of Boomers (ages 60 to 78) self-identify as feeling lonely.

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A 2023 Gallup survey also found that the rates of loneliness were highest in young adults, with 27 percent of young adults ages 19 to 29 reporting feeling very or relatively lonely. The lowest rates were found in older adults. Interestingly, in this study, only 17 percent of people aged 65 and older reported feeling lonely. COVID-19 was declared a global pandemic on March 11, 2020, and it was undoubtedly a significant confounder.

Clinical and Social Dimensions

Decreasing social ties, influenced by demographics and technology, fuels the loneliness crisis. Social structures and norms are vital, but dwindling relationships and community engagement worsen isolation. Shifting demographics and fewer traditional ties exacerbate this. Solutions entail building inclusive communities, fortifying support systems, and addressing social inequalities.

Vivek H. Murthy served as the 19th Surgeon General of the United States in 2017 and the 21st Surgeon General in 2021. In 2017, he spoke of loneliness and emotional well-being as major public health concerns. He emphasized that social connections are essential.

The 2023 Surgeon General's updated report expanded on this emphasis by noting the rise in single-person households and declining community engagement, underlining the need to combat loneliness and isolation.

Individual, interpersonal, and community factors influence social connections, including demographics and relationships. Technology, while revolutionizing communication, can also contribute to isolation if used excessively. Vulnerable groups, such as those with health issues or financial insecurity, are particularly at risk.

For example, the urgency to address social isolation and loneliness, accentuated by the COVID-19 pandemic, has prompted the establishment of a National Strategy to Advance Social Connection in the United States. This strategy, undertaken by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, recognizes the critical importance of social bonds in individual and community well-being, outlining six pillars to guide action.

National Strategy to Advance Social Connection

Murthy’s Department of Health and Human Services formalized its goals to promote social bonds and community well-being by establishing the National Strategy to Advance Social Connection in the United States. It contains six pillars to guide action, including:

1. Strengthening social infrastructure
2. Advocating for pro-connection public policies
3. Mobilizing the health sector
4. Reforming digital environments
5. Deepening knowledge through research
6. Cultivating a culture of connection

The first pillar focuses on strengthening social infrastructure at the local level, emphasizing community programs and fair access to resources. The second pillar advocates for pro-connection public policies, urging a holistic approach across all governance sectors. The third pillar mobilizes the health sector to integrate social connection into healthcare delivery and public health efforts. The fourth pillar emphasizes reforming digital environments to mitigate the negative impacts of technology on social connection. The fifth pillar calls for deepening knowledge through research and public awareness campaigns to highlight the importance of social connection in health and well-being. Finally, the sixth pillar emphasizes cultivating a culture of connection through shared values of kindness, respect, and service promoted by leaders across various sectors.

Actionable Guidelines to Counter Loneliness and Foster Self-Esteem

Recognizing the importance of social participation involves acknowledging the balance between individual solitude and communal connection. Achieving emotional well-being entails intertwining self-care with care for others, thus transforming the apparent divide between aloneness and social engagement into a source of mutual enrichment. On a personal level, individuals can actively contribute to their own, as well as societal and community, well-being through tangible actions like the following:

• Investing in relationships by engaging with loved ones.
• Supporting others, expressing gratitude, fostering reciprocity, and strengthening cooperativity.
• Embracing diversity in relationships for broader understanding.
• Participating in community groups for belonging and purpose.
• Limiting behaviors like excessive social media use.
• Seeking support during loneliness and communicating social challenges to healthcare providers.
• Engaging in civic activities and embodying core values of kindness, respect, and service in interactions.

To achieve these goals, broad individual and institutional engagement is crucial. Engagement must emphasize authentic interpersonal interactions rather than virtual, mock, inauthentic, inanimate device screen time. Greater personal participation improves health, strengthens communities, and fosters crisis resilience, civic participation, and inclusivity. The aim is to create a flourishing world by strengthening social bonds through a multifaceted approach that bridges multiple individual health and psychosocial dimensions. By adopting personal, community, and national strategies, societies can foster cooperativity, boost well-being, and enhance resilience against crises like COVID-19.