Online Dating in the Golden Years

Co-authored by Keisha Carden, MA

Many adults seek intimacy into later life, both in person and online (Addis et al., 2006). Compared to previous generations, the rate of casual dating has ballooned among adults over 50, who now account for one in four divorces since 1990 (Brown & Lin, 2012). Even after the death of a spouse, many older adults want to date again—and quickly (Altterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2011). An analysis of widows and widowers ages 65 and older, for example, found that 18 months after the death of a spouse, 37 percent of men and 15 percent of women wanted to date (Carr, 2004). Maintained intimacy in later life, broadly defined, confers many physical and psychological benefits and highlights an important component of successful aging.

Source: Online Dating/Nison Yakupov/Flickr

Despite the interest among many older adults, opportunities to develop salubrious (and sexy) relationships may diminish in later life, particularly as retirement, relocation, death, and disability shrink the size of, and access to, social networks. To compensate, many adults have turned to social networking and, increasingly, online dating to satisfy needs for companionship, intimacy, and sexuality (deVries 1996; Fox, 2004; Wright & Query, 2004). Reflecting this growth, as of 2014, 56 percent of people age 65 and older used Facebook (Duggan et al., 2015). Since 2013, online dating rates among adults age 55 to 64 have nearly doubled from 6 percent to 12 percent (Pew Research Center, 2016), triggering the dawn of new dating sites with minimum age requirements.

Online social networking has benefits for older adults. Gerontological scholars have suggested older adults turn to the Internet to enhance social interaction (Harley & Fitzpatrick, 2009; Jung, Walden, Johnson, & Sundar, 2017) and, for many, it helps. Online engagement among older adults appears to increase perceived closeness to family and friends as well as reduce self-reported depression and stress (Hogeboom et al., 2010).

Online pursuit of romance and intimacy also has its costs. A climate of internet-facilitated dating in later life has introduced more opportunities for unsafe sex, sexually transmitted disease (STDs), and general exploitation among vulnerable older adults (Pierpaoli Parker, in progress). Non-exhaustive examples of this exploitation include financial scamming, identity and credit theft, and “sweetheart scams” or catphishing—the luring of someone into a relationship using a fictional persona for manipulative and exploitive purposes. The cost of online scamming alone exceeds $37 billion to older adults annually (Leiber 2018). In the digital “golden” age, what role do psychologists have in managing these risks and benefits? How can psychologists respect older adults’ autonomy and promote their social and emotional wellbeing, while maintaining a commitment to do no harm?

Ethical Considerations and Recommendations

The rise of online social engagement and dating among older adults introduces interesting and complex ethical considerations for practitioners and geropsychologists, as well as those in training. For example, when and how should clinicians go about reporting harm? Do clinicians have a duty to consider capacity in deciding whether to introduce online engagement? How do we assess capacity to engage in online dating? Does online engagement constitute a sign of successful aging? Some of these questions do not yet have answers and are in need of additional scholarly discussion and research.

Source: Thomas8047/Old love/Flickr

The American Psychological Association’s (APA) ethics code (2017) and guidelines for psychological practice with older adults (2014), unfortunately, provide little guidance on navigating the ethics of technology beyond those tethered to tele-health. In lieu of context-specific ethical standards, the APA ethics code offers general ethical parameters and associated virtues to implore psychologists to practice conscientiousness, discernment, and prudence (Beauchamp & Childress, 2001; Keenen, 1995; MacIntyre, 1984). To “take reasonable steps to avoid harm” (Standard 3.04), and uphold Principles A (Beneficence and Nonmaleficence), D (Justice), and E (Respect for People’s Rights and Dignity), we have outlined several ideas to consider when introducing, encouraging, and monitoring online engagement with older adult clients. These considerations require that the clinician has an adequately informed understanding of these issues; that is, requisite professional competence regarding the online social engagement and dating needs of their older adult clients:

1. Engage in open and transparent discussion with older adults about the benefits and risks of online social interactions. Then, give the client the opportunity to make a well-informed decision.

2. Together, review online security, safety, and reporting guidelines.

3. Use appropriate assessment to ensure older adults feel confident in their ability to monitor signs of internet fraud, phishing, and “sweetheart scams.”

4. Ensure that adults understand and appreciate the potential and likely consequences of sharing their personal information.

5. Perhaps most important, encourage them to report anyone or anything suspicious. Provide contact information to appropriate reporting sources. If a clinician learns that a client has fallen victim to a “sweetheart scammer” and does not want to report it, consider the ethical obligation to maintain confidentiality (Ethical Standard 4.01) in the context of circumstances warranting breaching confidentiality (Ethical Standard 4.02), such as the potential for danger to vulnerable older adults.

Conclusion

Social media and online dating sites provide exciting and increasingly common avenues for older adults to connect with peers, including potential romantic partners. Such digital opportunities help to counter the otherwise shrinking social network that many older adults experience. Clinicians working with older adults can play a valuable role in promoting and facilitating responsible technology use for adults pursuing increased social and romantic involvement. To maximize the benefits of clinical guidance, and to ensure older clients feel prepared to negotiate the advantages and risks of online engagement, psychologists must understand the common ethical obligations and challenges it presents. In some practice contexts, professional competence may be incomplete if the clinician lacks familiarity with these issues. Additional scholarly discussion and research on this topic is needed.

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Co-authored by Keisha Carden, MA. A version of this article will appear in the Council of Professional Geropsychology Training Program's (CoPGTP) forthcoming fall newsletter.