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We all have differently regulated nervous systems. What might emotionally trigger one person might have little or no emotional impact on another. If I say, "A big storm is due this weekend," do you feel irritated? Worried? Excited? Not only are we triggered differently, but what soothes us differs from person to person as well. What might create calm in one person might actually amplify feelings of anxiety and overwhelm in another.
For instance, spending all day organizing the garage could leave one person feeling drained and exhausted and another feeling energized and inspired. Understanding your anxiety style will allow you to understand your emotional triggers and show you how to calm your brain more efficiently.
Are you a Lover, Fighter, Executive, Visionary or Dynamo?
1. Lovers are all about the quality and depth of their connections to loved ones. They tend to get emotionally triggered when they perceive a friend or loved one doesn’t like them, feels angry with them, or doesn’t want to spend time with them. Coming home to an empty house or missing a friend’s birthday party can be emotionally triggering.
When feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed, Lovers should seek time and space with people who care about them most. Spending time in nature with someone they trust and care about can help calm and reset the anxious brain of someone with a lover anxiety style. Instead of working on a personal project or going for a hike by themselves, lover brains feel safe and soothed when they’re in close proximity to people and animals they care about most.
Lover Quick Tip: Take an after-dinner walk tonight with someone you enjoy. If you cannot be together in person, pop in your earbuds and take a friend for a walk.
2. Fighters are all about protecting others. They learned early on to save themselves, and often feel impelled to save others as well. Fighters are comfortable within a chaotic environment; they feel at home. It can feel so comfortable in fact, that Fighters often feel quite awkward, and sick even, when all is calm and peaceful (because they don’t feel they can truly let down their guard and enjoy it).
When feeling particularly overwhelmed and stressed, Fighters should create a healthy opportunity for challenge. For instance, sign up for a sprint marathon, get on stage, or plan a trip somewhere exotic. Instead of reading a book or taking a bath, Fighters should find a safe but challenging activity in order to feel safe and soothed.
Fighter Quick Tip: Add a safe and healthy challenge to your life this week.
3. Executives are all about loyalty, trust and dependability. These individuals thrive when they feel in control of their environment and their future. However, always being the responsible one can take its toll. It can be exhausting to constantly be the one everyone else depends upon to keep life moving forward. Making sure everyone is safe, happy, healthy and on time is a never-ending task.
When feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed, Executives should get playful and silly. Individuals with this anxiety style are typically the most responsible and dependable members of their families. Making time to do something playful and creative can provide a release; a break from the constant weight of responsibility. Instead of signing up for a sprint marathon, Executives should get creative and playful in order to feel safe and soothed.
Executive Quick Tip: Spend 20 minutes today doing something creative that has no specific goal or purpose besides enjoyment; paint, dance, sing, hula-hoop or play hopscotch.
4. Visionaries, when feeling particularly stressed, should reach out to a fellow Visionary. It can be frustrating and draining to focus on the tedious details of daily life. Instead of painting or playing hopscotch, Visionaries should get inspired in order to feel safe and soothed. Feeling supported and understood by like-minded people can be invigorating and life-giving.
Visionary Quick Tip: Connect and learn from other Visionaries either in person, in a book, or through a YouTube video.
5. Dynamos are all about feeling respected, getting acknowledgment and accomplishing tasks large and small. They tend to feel frustrated and drained when doing revolving chores; tasks that need to be repeated every few hours or days, like cleaning and cooking. While they enjoy accomplishments, at least some of their efforts must be aligned with bigger goals.
When feeling particularly frustrated or overwhelmed, Dynamos should get busy doing something they love. These individuals thrive when they feel like they’re making progress and receiving accolades and respect for their diligence. Dynamos should make progress on one passion project. Instead of connecting with others, Dynamos should get stuff done in order to feel safe and soothed.
Dynamo Quick Tip: Choose one passion project and spend 20 minutes working on it today.
Whether you’re a Lover, Fighter, Executive, Visionary or Dynamo, understanding how your brain may work differently than your immediate family and friends can make a big difference to your overall emotional well-being.
To delve deeper, see my book about anxiety styles.
