There's a Reason We Use Clichés

A cliché is a phrase or opinion that feels overused and lacking in original thought. We call something a cliché when we’ve heard it a million times, so often that any meaning it once had has been eclipsed by our collective shrug when we hear it again. We sometimes experience negative thoughts about ourselves when we use these clichés because it implies we are lacking in original thought. And for some reason, to be lacking in original thought is a bad thing. We should suffer in original ways!

Using clichés in therapy and in life

In talk therapy, this experience often plays out as a client starts to become more aware of their own patterns of behavior. Let’s say I have been working with a client for a few months, and we’ve established a process for dealing with an issue (how they interact with their partner, how they resolve conflict with their children, their relationship with their parents, etc.). We’ll discuss the interaction, with the client commenting on what they were feeling at the time, and what they think about it now. At some point, as they come to an understanding of their issues in a new way, they might use a common phrase that applies to the situation they find themselves in. Some saying that encapsulates what they are trying to say with the minimum amount of words necessary. Something that makes them laugh and shrug as they say it. They use a cliché.

It’s a process. It’s not about me. I have the power to say no. I have to learn to love myself before someone else can love me. It is what it is. Pick a cliché. They seem trite as listed here, but in everyone’s life, there are serious times of contemplation and realization where a cliché like these makes perfect sense. Clichés simplify things. They make a complicated situation feel more manageable. They make sense.

As clients observe themselves using these clichés, they often shake their heads and grin, chuckling to themselves about how much of a cliché they must sound like. Here we have a conversation about what a cliché actually is. The first guy who said, “The sun will come out tomorrow,” must have sounded like a genius. The millionth guy got told to shut up. It takes two to tango? Yeah, yeah. It’s always darkest before the dawn? Gimme a break. The best is yet to come? Shut up.

However, the original meaning of these phrases, the messages of hope, optimism, and the power of faith, still apply. These themes can create positive feelings to remember on dark days when you’re at your lowest. The reason these sound like clichés is that they are all so simply and undeniably true.

We don’t have to feel bad about engaging in a cliché.

Let’s give ourselves permission not to be original. If you find yourself using clichés more often, it’s probably because you’ve reduced your inner conflict down to a manageable level where the cliché is a shortcut through all the work you’ve done to remind yourself that only time will tell, time heals all wounds, and there’s no time like the present. Or you might be putting off dealing with all that inner conflict by focusing on something a lot simpler so you don’t have to deal with the bigger issues, like how this too shall pass, better late than never, or the grass is greener on the other side. Either way, consider feeling good about using clichés. They are a sign you’re on the right path.