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Relationships
Will Summer Romance Destroy You Emotionally?
It all depends on your expectations and ability to handle casual affairs.
Posted July 25, 2019
Summer is the season many of us are looking forward to all year long. Days are longer, the weather is warmer, people are more relaxed, we feel less stressed out, and time seems to stop for a while. Well, at least for the few weeks that we are officially on holiday and most of our daily work and family obligations take a back seat.
The conditions are ripe for some summer flirting, romance, and love. It can happen to any of us, whether our status is married, single, in a relationship, or complicated. But are we all capable of handling the pros and cons of a summer romance? Here is some food for thought if you wish to prevent going home so intensely heartbroken that you are not sure you will make it to Christmas.
What is the number one question you need to ask yourself before diving headlong into a summer fling? A very simple one: am I emotionally capable of having a one-night stand? Because in its essence, this type of relationship resembles a string of one-night stands with the same person over the holiday period.
People who are no strangers to no-strings-attached affairs, or who have had positive experiences with them, will probably have almost no difficulties engaging in summer lovin’. In fact, they will be enjoying it immensely. Unless, of course, they are suddenly struck by Cupid’s arrow so deeply and strongly that their summer fling leaves them falling head over heels in love and wanting a happily ever after with them.
The fun-loving, carefree, you-only-live-once type of people who don’t get emotionally involved can handle summer romances pretty well. Their biggest concern is that in the heat of passion they end up with an unwanted pregnancy, an STD or, if in a committed relationship, that their partner might find out. Though there are also couples who are open to such activities, as they believe they add spice to their relationship.
People who are more into long-term, stable, committed and, most of all, exclusive relationships will have greater difficulties fooling around, should by chance they find themselves irresistibly attracted to a stranger in a beach lounge bar. If they are married, they will feel bad for having cheated or worry that they will hurt their partner if they learn about their infidelity. They will probably be ashamed for having trampled their moral values and they will feel doubly guilty if they have enjoyed the romance.
People who are single and longing for a stable, full-time relationship will project their wishes and fantasies on their summer love. In the end, they are likely to be bitterly disappointed when they realize that their lovers don’t seek the same kind of emotional closeness, and have no intention of proposing to them or having a family with them. Guilt, shame, disillusionment, and feeling rejected will be devastating for their self-confidence and self-esteem.
They might even lose faith in love and trust in people. Generalizations of that kind are not at all uncommon. In any case, the summer affair will most likely not have been worth their while.
On the other hand, though, a summer lover can be an enormous ego boost for those who have just been dumped or haven’t had a relationship of any kind for some time. Imagine, they feel all alone, unworthy of love and tenderness, nobody ever notices them, and suddenly there is someone who gives them attention, lots of it.
They make an effort to see them, they try to seduce and please them, make them feel special. Life goes from black and white to Technicolor in a matter of days. It gives them hope that things can be different. I had a client in her late forties who had given up on love completely and who then had a wonderful summer love experience with someone living halfway across the globe, knowing fully well that it would be of a limited duration. Yet, she came back from that holiday a new person, optimistically looking into the future.
I guess that in the end, it all boils down to managing expectations we have of ourselves and of our lovers, and to taking responsibility for our actions. If we know that we are not cut out for a casual fling, it is better to avoid it. If we think that our lover will save us from our misery and fulfill our relational needs, we should think again.
If we don’t want to risk our marriage, we shouldn’t go looking for trouble, regardless of how enticing and exhilarating the thought of playing around might be. Should we decide to give the relationship a chance after holidays have come to an end, we must be careful not to expect that the thrilling and devil-may-care sensation would continue in real life, when we get back to work, and other life duties and obligations.
If we opt for a long-distance relationship, we should not be terribly upset and hurt when it ends. Long-term relationships are difficult to sustain, so it is best to enjoy them while they last and say goodbye when we sense that our partner has become more of a pen pal than our significant other.
Of course, there are also many examples of summer romances that have had their happy end, and I suspect deep down we all wish to allow for that possibility when we start flirting with the person giving us the eye.
