How Breaking Up is Like Quitting Your Job

In Season Five of the now-classic Mad Men series, Peggy seriously thinks about jumping ship from the ad agency that the show is centered around—SCDP—to a rival agency. It’s a relatable, difficult decision. On the one hand, Peggy holds deep resentment toward her boss and her coworkers, given that she has been consistently underappreciated and looked over for advancement opportunities. On the other hand, breaking up is hard to do, and Peggy has years of time and energy invested in the company.

The questions Peggy grapples with when she thinks about leaving her company are intriguingly similar to the sorts of questions that people grapple with when they think about leaving a romantic partner. Indeed, research on commitment shows that the thought processes that affect these two decisions share considerable overlap. The three factors that best predict commitment to a romantic partner^1,2—satisfaction, investment, and quality of alternatives—are the same factors that predict commitment to a job or an organization.^3,4

Satisfaction represents whether people are getting what they need from a particular relationship. In the case of a romantic partner, those needs could include feeling safe and supported, feeling connected to one’s partner, feeling sexually satisfied, and feeling that the relationship is compatible with one’s goals, among other things. Similar rules apply to relationships with employers. For example, a person may feel satisfied with their job if they feel appreciated, well-compensated, and appropriately challenged; if they enjoy spending time with their coworkers, and if the stressors of the job feel manageable.

Low satisfaction often motivates a person to leave a relationship. But, people frequently stay in unsatisfying relationships anyway if they have a high degree of investment. Investment represents how many resources—such as time, energy, and money—a person has put into a relationship. For example, people in romantic relationships often have years of experiences they’ve shared with their partners, mutual friendships they’ve developed, and plans for the future that they’ve made together, all of which they would lose if the relationship were to end.⁵ Investments are similarly a frequent source of concern for disgruntled employees. People often become gradually dissatisfied with their jobs, in which time they make important investments into that company. They may have had the job for many years, during which time they’ve developed valued relationships with coworkers or with clients. They may have important benefits (e.g., pensions, seniority) that they don’t want to lose. Just as investments serve to keep people in bad romantic relationships, investments can similarly keep people in bad working relationships.

Quality of alternatives represents what a person thinks they would have if they were not in their current relationship. In the case of a romantic relationship, quality of alternatives usually refers to other romantic partners who a person thinks they could attract (those proverbial fish in the sea). In the case of an employee, quality of alternatives refers to other companies that might be looking to hire, and whether or not they are likely to treat their employees better than one’s current company. People who are already highly committed to their relationships (i.e., highly invested and highly satisfied) usually do not pay much attention to their alternatives.^6,7 Happy couples don’t spend much time thinking about who they could be dating instead; happy employees don’t spend much time browsing the craigslist jobs postings. But for those with low commitment, quality of alternatives can become the deal-breaker that determines whether they ultimately choose to stay or leave. Decisions about whether to stay or leave often hinge on whether the person believes they can get a better “deal” elsewhere.

The similarities between romantic breakups and employment “breakups” highlight two points. First, that a person’s relationship with their employer is just that: a relationship. People spend a great deal of time at work, and the quality of that experience contributes to well-being, be it positively or negatively. Secondly, principles of relationships might be more broadly applicable than we realize. A good future direction for relationships research might be to see what other kinds of relationship principles—which have to this point been studied only in the context of romantic relationships—might extent to other kinds of relationships as well.

Are you questioning whether your current relationship is right for you? We are conducting an online study about how people decide whether or not to end a relationship. If you are thinking about ending your dating relationship, please consider participating!

This article was originally written for Science of Relationships, a website about the psychology of relationships written by active researchers and professors in the field.