Divorce
The New Normal
It Can Take a Long Time to Come Back Into Balance After Divorce
Posted March 20, 2011
The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. ~ Mike Murdock
Life during the process of divorce and sometimes for a period post divorce can be rocky. A marital dissolution is one of the greatest transitions you may ever face, so it's important to understand that it's typical for it to take a while to find your "new normal," and to arrive at the calm that follows the storm.
Given the fact that you are adjusting to life as a single person and perhaps adjusting as a single parent as well, it makes sense that finding balance again will not be a simple adjustment. There are many new social norms and challenges to deal with as a newly single person. There may be ongoing adjustments and lifestyle changes that will have to be made for quite a while following divorce.
With each new interaction and experience as a divorced person, you will learn a great deal about yourself and about those around you. You will learn who your friends are and who they are not. You will learn what you are comfortable doing and what you are not comfortable doing and so on.
Finding a new normal is what you are seeking but it is not something that can be forced. Rather, it's a series of new routines that are settled into with repeated new behaviors over time.
It's important to be aware that everything you do today to creates new habits and is laying the foundation for your new routines later on. Ask yourself if you are thinking and acting in ways that will enhance or impede your happiness in your new life. This goes for your habits of thought as well as your action habits.
We all like to feel safe in our environment. One reason divorce is so challenging is that it takes people so far out of their comfort zone and requires them to make changes to their daily life.
By being aware of your thoughts and actions, you will have the power to change them if they are not the foundation you would like to establish going forward.
What will you set in motion today with your thoughts and actions? Are you establishing a habit of being angry or disempowered? Are you taking charge of your new life and attracting the people and circumstances you want to have with you?
Affirmation
I am creating my new life today with every thought I have and action I take.
Journal Exercise
• At the end of the day, write down ten or more thoughts you had during the day. These can be anything from an observation you made to a reaction you had to what another person said or did. What patterns do you notice? Are any of these thoughts you have never had before or do you have such thoughts often?
• If you are inclined to change these thoughts, what would you want to think instead? Write down these new thoughts on an index card and place it in a conspicuous place. Read these new thoughts aloud to yourself as many times a day as you can remember to do it. This activity can retrain your brain to think these new thoughts more automatically.
• Repeat this exercise writing down ten or more actions you took today. Write about your reaction to your awareness about your behavior. Next, write about any patterns you notice. Finally, what are you willing to commit to doing in order to change the behaviors you would like to change?
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