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When we are overstressed, a counselor may help us find ways to get better control of the situations we are in. But at this time, control is limited. We need to neutralize stress that can't be reduced.
Stress can be neutralized by the parasympathetic nervous system. Until recently we didn't know how to activate it fully. Breathing exercises activate it mildly. But we didn't know how to activate it powerfully.
Then the brilliant neurological researcher Stephen Porges figured it out. He discovered that when we are with other people, if they are completely safe to be with (that means no threat physically or emotionally), we unconsciously pick up signals from their face, voice quality, and body-language/touch that activate the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic system stimulates the vagus nerve. What is called "vagal braking" occurs as the vagus slows the heart rate, slows the breathing rate, and relaxes the gut.
Sometimes vagal braking is so powerful that we feel our guard let down. We involuntarily feel all the stress melt out of us. Learning how to make that happen, I think, is something we all can use right now.
I'll paste below an excerpt from my book, Panic Free, that explains an easy and practical way to neutralize anxiety by activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
The Three-Button Exercise
This is the exercise to use if you notice you are stressed about something. Remember a person with whom you felt your guard let down. The signals that cause your guard to let down are transmitted by the person’s face, their voice, and their touch. I want you to imagine buttons you can press to calm yourself.
Imagine your friend has pasted a sticker on their forehead bearing a picture of a button with the number 1 on it. Another sticker, showing button number 2, is pasted on their chin. A third sticker, with button number 3, is pasted on the back of their hand.
Now imagine feeling alarmed.
Imagine putting your finger on the button 1 sticker on their forehead and then releasing it. Their face comes clearly to mind. You see the softness in their eyes. It feels good.
Imagine putting your finger on the button 2 sticker. As you release it, the person’s lips begin to move, and you hear them greet you in a special way. You may notice that the quality of their voice calms you deep inside.
Imagine touching the button 3 sticker on the back of their hand. When you release the button, the person lifts their hand and gives you a reassuring touch or a hug—whatever gesture is appropriate in your relationship with this person. You may notice calming stillness rest on you.
You can activate vagal braking by pressing the buttons any time you wish. But we want to set up calming that works automatically. To establish automatic attenuation, intentionally remember feeling alarmed, and then press button 1. Remember the feeling again; press button 2. Bring the feeling to mind again; press button 3.
