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Key points
- The Japanese term otsukare sama offers a way to acknowledge hard work while encouraging much-needed rest.
- Reframing rest as something deserved, rather than a guilty indulgence, can transform the way we recharge.
- Who knew? Turns out, pushing yourself to the brink isn't a badge of honor—it’s just exhausting.
Whoever first coined the phrase, "You can rest when you're dead," should be subjected to severe discipline. Not as a form of punitive justice, but to ensure they never utter such a monstrous thing again.
Why do I harbor such intense hatred for this phrase? Because I live by it. I am ruled by my own self-administered cattle prod.
Go, go, go. No pain. No gain. Rise and grind. Sleep is for the weak. Work hard. Play hard. Go hard or go home. Earn it. The world waits for no one. Go fast. Go further. Stay hungry. Never stop. Never settle. Make hay while the sun shines. (And even when it doesn’t.) Do the work. You can rest when you're dead.
Recently, I had a guest on my podcast Fifty Words for Snow. On the show, my Welsh co-host Emily and I talk to native speakers of other languages, searching for words that don't exist in English. In our latest episode, our Japanese guest, Taka Tora, introduced us to the word otsukare sama. It's a tricky word to define, but Taka explained that it essentially means, "You've worked hard. You deserve a good rest." Luckily, in Japan you don’t have to wait until you're dead for it.
As Emily and I spoke with Taka, I realized something unsettling. I never quite enjoy my rest because it often comes with a scolding voice in my head: "Alright, Maggie, time to get going again. Go, go, go."
How different it would be if, instead of reprimanding myself, I thought: "You deserve this. Enjoy." Not because I’m some saint, but because I’ve put in significant effort—and significant effort requires significant rest. What if rest wasn’t something to be eeked out before a rising reprimand, but through the natural rhythm of effort and recovery?
Extending otsukare sama to ourselves
The phrase otsukare sama is a well-wish extended to others, but what if we extended it to ourselves? How would it feel to embrace rest as something we truly deserve—not begrudgingly, but with full permission to enjoy?
I began to wonder if this new way of talking to myself could actually be motivating. Could the self-scolding I’ve relied on for years be an energy drain? What if my pattern of self-castigation is not only unnecessary but counterproductive? What if, instead, I told myself: "Wow, you really worked your butt off. You really pushed your edge. Now it's time for some deep rest. Enjoy it."
Advanced education for my internal taskmaster
Is my internal taskmaster using outdated methods? I wondered. Does she need to be taught some new techniques? I began to consider that perhaps the problem isn’t my drive, but the strategies I use to keep myself moving. And are Americans particularly guilty of this? Could it be that our goal-oriented culture has left us without adequate language to encourage rest? Meanwhile, the Japanese, with words like otsukare sama, seem to understand that rest is the true source of energy.
In either case, it may be time for me to revisit my relationship with leisure.
But for now, I’m going to take a guilt-free rest.
And wish you otsukare sama.
