Advice: Why Can't He Say Sorry?

Why can’t my fiance take responsibility for a huge
mistake?

My future husband dumped me—after I catered to his
every wish. Only when he became violent and I called the police did he
say it was over. Why doesn’t he just say he’s sorry and
continue our relationship?

Good question, but there’s a better one to ask yourself: Why
are you so eager to be with a guy who’s flashing neon signs that
he’s terrible mate material?

He can’t apologize, because he thinks you did something
worse—betrayed him by calling the cops. (Of course, you acted to
protect yourself, a wise move.) He has some warped notions about
relationships, such as: it’s OK to control you by any means,
including violence, whenever his buttons get pushed. Every couple faces
difficult issues; you resolve them by talking them out, not duking it
out.

By catering to his whims, you have planted the notion that he is
entitled to demand whatever he wants. Relationships work only when they
are two-way streets. You’ve made yours one-way and not put up any
stop signs.

Everyone has legitimate needs for love, respect and—above
all—safety in a relationship. It’s time to start looking for
a partner who can meet those very basic needs.