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Relationships
Home Alone on Saturday Night? No Call from Mr. Right?
Conquer the Saturday night blues with this 4 point plan.
Posted October 1, 2011
Love is both a delicious joy and a risk. It is also a quiet feeling in our hearts that brings us a certain peace of mind. It is not the angst and anguish of sitting home alone on Saturday night because HE did not call. Sometimes my Twitter account blossoms with loving quotes. If the love and joy words never came easily to you when describing your guy, then pretend he's too small a fish and toss him back into the sea.
If you are alone on Saturday night there are probably two reasons: He didn't call. And you made no other plans. Here are four thoughts to overcome Saturday night blues.
1. Admit to yourself why he didn't call: I'm with the hard, cold reality of He's Just Not That into You camp. You may have been panting with wishes and desire, but he didn't feel the spark. And if you are unsure about the guy whom you thought was your "one and only" have a look at Jen Kim's 6 Signs He's Just Not That Into You | Psychology Today
Here is the moment of truth that only you can answer. Did you really want to be with HIM or did you really just want to be in a relationship? Maybe you have been thinking about: Settling for Mr. Good Enough and although this guy really wasn't Mr. Right, he was Mr. Good Enough.
While romance is elusive for many women today, magazines, movies, television, and the Tinseltown news still tout the love myth - without love, without a partner, you are not whole. But here is the real underlying message: "If you want to be happy, you must be in love." All too often we look for breathless instead of values and stability.
2. Define qualities that you really wish for in someone to love: In the search the love, have you ever thought to define qualities you value in a logical, business like manner?
- Make a list of your own positive qualities.
- Write down the qualities that you really would like in a partner.
- Do a side by side pros and cons list.
Chances are, if you look at your list realistically, Mr. Stood You Up is not worthy of you. When this happens, all too often today, it is tempting to throw yourself into the arms of an "online cutie."
To navigate the online and offline world of men, Maria Coder is running two "check out your date" workshops in New York and at Emerson College in Boston. (www.investidateyourdate.com) She tells me that "Women really have a way of looking past the negative sometimes to see what they want to see. We all do it. What matters is that we smarten up from each hiccup. If your plan was to go out, slap on some lipstick and get out there. You still have the power to turn this night around."
3. Make peace with yourself Love is positive. It takes courage. But love is also reciprocal. If he didn't call, then he was not the right one for you. Last year as I pondered the question from readers: Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? -- I came across the book Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other by Judy Ford,.
In many ways the answer comes by looking forward rather than looking back. With every experience in life we gain perspective. It is really not very helpful to look back and say, "Why did I get involved?" Nor it is helpful to blame yourself, your lover, or your parents. Judy Ford says: "Making peace with the past is the best way to ensure that the past doesn't intrude on the present."
4. Seek out those who make you laugh: Surround yourself with friends and family who make you laugh. Men like women who laugh at their jokes and women prefer men who make them laugh. As difficult as it can be to get over being stood up on a Saturday night - find a way to laugh at yourself for falling for the guy in the first place. A recent report from the British Psychological Society -- looking into laughter -- says that people who laughed at themselves were in a better mood on the day of testing for an investigation of laughing at yourself and "tended to have more cheerful, less serious dispositions."
Start now to take control of Saturday nights. Make plans to go out with friends. Treat yourself to a week-end away. Stay at home, put on a beautiful robe, pour yourself some bubbly, and read that book that has been on your coffee table for two weeks. Or better yet, invite over someone with whom you can laugh until your sides ache.
Most of all take to heart the words of Marcel Proust "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
HAVE YOU READ THIS? "31 Ways to Embrace Saturday Night Alone"
Follow Rita Watson on Twitter @ LoveColumnist
Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
