It Can Be Confusing to Find the One True Religion

I have often had conversations with religious people about their utter convictions that their religious narrative is THE correct one (as opposed to the narratives stemming from the other 9,999 religions). Usually, the response is one that defines the meaning of a tautology: "I know that it is the true narrative because my religion is the revealed truth." Nice!

Suppose that a Martian had moved to Earth recently. He is shopping for the one true religion. Let's see where this exploration takes him. As a logical and rational Martian, he begins by asking a few basic questions to get the ball rolling.

Can I drink alcohol? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I eat prosciutto? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I eat some fried rice with shrimps? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I listen to music? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I turn on the computer to work on Saturday? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I have more than one wife? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I masturbate? It depends on who the true God is.
How easy is it to obtain a divorce? It depends on who the true God is.
What should the punishment (if any) be for homosexuality? It depends on who the true God is.
Can one commit suicide? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I take prescription drugs if I am sick? It depends on who the true God is.
Are particular animals considered sacred? It depends on who the true God is.
Is there one God or multiple Gods? It depends on who the true God(s) is/are.
Does hell exist? It depends on who the true God is.
Is premarital sex allowed? It depends on who the true God is.
Is the sun divine? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I be reincarnated? It depends on who the true God is.
How should women dress? It depends on who the true God is.
Is male circumcision a Divine obligation? It depends on who the true God is.
Is female circumcision a Divine obligation? It depends on who the true God is.
Has the Messiah revealed himself? It depends on who the true God is.
Can I buy indulgences to "fast-track" my dead ancestors into Heaven? It depends on who the true God is.
Is it important to always be aware of where you are standing in relation to the Cardinal directions? It depends on who the true God is.
Is there a direct representative of God on Earth? It depends on who the true God is.
Are atheists going to hell? It depends on who the true God is.
How easy is it for me to join your religion? It depends on who the true God is.
Is it blasphemous to have a tattoo? It depends on who the true God is.
Is there such a thing as a sacred river? It depends on who the true God is.
Should I seek revenge on my enemies? It depends on who the true God is.
Are we close to Armageddon? It depends on who the true God is.
Do some souls reside on other planets? It depends on who the true God is.
Is the wearing of leather shoes prohibited on particular days? It depends on who the true God is.
Are pilgrimages a Divine obligation? It depends on who the true God is.
Is apostasy permitted? It depends on who the true God is.
Is evolution true? It depends on who the true God is.

It would appear to be true that God is in the details!

Source for Image:
http://www.ovcart.com/images/inventory/12990.1056.zoom.jpg