Verified by 
Anyone who has read my memoir, Good Riddance, knows that I am happily remarried, but might be wondering what has happened in my ex-husband’s life since the divorce.
After dating a high school teacher, a college professor, an artist, a hippie drifter, a chemist, and a few other women, things got serious with “Miranda,” a mysterious, exotic, match.com find. He asked her to marry him after a handful of dates, and in the flush of new love, signed a pre-nup that her lawyer drew up. It didn’t take long before he realized that she had a Mallory Knox in Natural Born Killers thing going, but at that point he was stuck between a rock and a crazy place. He married her, but it was tumultuous from the start and ended after a couple of years.
In an awe-inspiring triumph of hope over logic, he trolled match.com once again and came up with “Trina,” 20 years his junior. They were married six months after they met. I was skeptical, to say the least. But Trina has proven to be an attentive and devoted wife, and a good stepmom to my kids. It’s a challenging role, as all stepmothers know, but we can learn from one another. If our exes have remarried, we will likely hear first-hand what stepmothers do right and what they do wrong.
Five things my children’s stepmother does right:
1. She is good to the people my kids love. She visits their grandmother (who just turned 90) at least once a week and helps her with cooking and cleaning. And she is supportive of their dad and his rather unconventional projects and plans.
2. She’s hung photos of my kids all over the house, which makes them feel special and important. Unlike their previous stepmother, she is not trying to make their dad forget about the life he had before she came along.
3. She seems genuinely happy to see them when they visit.
4. She’s a great cook, and works hard to make meals they like (and can eat, as there are a few serious food allergies in the family).
5. She gives them time alone with their dad.
She’s had a few missteps (what stepmother hasn’t?), but my kids genuinely appreciate the effort she makes and understand that her intentions are good. I’m taking notes, because even though I’ve been stepmothering for a decade now, I know there’s always room for improvement.
