How to Lovingly Discuss Finances With Your Partner

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One of the most frequently encountered sources of marital stress is money. Financial insecurity creates conflict over everything from spending patterns to savings. Because having “the talk” about resources may adversely impact a loving relationship, proactivity and preplanning are key. Thankfully, there are ways to discuss money with your partner lovingly, and effectively.

Currency and Communication

Nirajana Mishra et al. (2024) studied the dynamics of couples managing joint finances in a piece entitled “Discussing Money With the One You Love.”¹ They began by acknowledging the necessity for couples to have candid, open discussions about money when sharing finances, which can be challenging when one of the partners is feeling financially stressed. Their research explored how individual perception of current financial situation impacts the willingness to discuss money with a partner.

They chose to focus on financial stress because of the associated negative emotions that stem from feeling that spending is out of control, juggling to meet financial obligations, and worrying about managing money. They also note that financial pressure is often cited as the primary source of stress in people's lives, often triggering other types of stress. For example, job stress may cause people to believe they cannot earn enough to meet their obligations. Caregiving stress originates from the rising costs of childcare or taking care of aging parents, and outsourcing such care in order to keep working is also expensive.

Mishra et al. note that financial stress has a particularly adverse impact on romantic relationships. In fact, they note that even thinking about discussing financial stress with a partner is cause for concern because partners expect the conversation to create greater conflict as compared to a discussion of another type of common stressors such as a job.

But there is a way to approach financial discussions designed to reduce negative expectations, paving the way for positive resolution.

Reconsidering Conflict

Mishra et al. found that individuals who were experiencing high (versus low) financial stress were less likely to discuss finances with a partner because of a greater expectation of anticipated conflict. They found the impact of financial stress on communication is reduced when partners do not anticipate conflict. This highlights the importance of changing perception: Viewing conflicts as solvable rather than perpetual enhances the probability of couples engaging in honest financial communication.

As a practical matter, approaching conversations with an optimistic outlook can be accomplished through a combination of carefully selected words and phrases, as well as an approachable demeanor and open body language. In the same way I approach negotiation as a career trial attorney, with both reason and receptivity, couples can similarly put their best foot forward in terms of proposing a solution that is realistic, feasible, and mutually beneficial. This may involve compromise on both sides in terms of spending and saving to maximize long-term earnings and goals.

Mishra et al. report that their findings have important implications for individual financial well‐being, in addition to the relationship satisfaction of couples. Within the working world, many of us can personally attest to the power of positivity, both in labor and love, coupled with the reminder that in terms of priceless goods, the best things in life are free.