Seven Aging Myths That Lead to Insults

In a shopping mall, I watched a young couple forced to reduce their pace as they approached an elderly man using a cane, slowly walking in the same direction. Unable to pass him because foot traffic was heavy, they exchanged snarky expressions. Eventually, he entered a store, and the couple resumed their pace. The young man, imitating the elder, said to his girlfriend, “When I get that old, shoot me.” If he had asked for assistance, I would have been delighted to offer it—even early.

Fear and Loathing of Aging

Aging is viewed by many young people with the same discomfort experienced when a strange relative comes uninvited to a family gathering. And just as most people at the event hope to avoid interacting with him, so do younger people with the vision of growing older.[i]

Why are younger people so reluctant to understand the process of aging?[ii] There’s an old saying, we fear most that which we will become. Aging, a condition we all will experience unless we die early, is neither the bogeyman nor the doddering old fool portrayed in hip films.[iii]

The Tibetans have a saying, “To get over your fears, bring closer to you that which frightens you the most.”[iv] Aging for many younger people falls into that category. And because it is not understood because of myths, behaviors are often misinterpreted.[v]

Misinterpretations

When we try to understand something relying only on its surface presentation, its real meaning may escape us. For example, you watch an older woman stumbling near the entrance of a preschool, and your first reaction may be, “It’s outrageous to be drunk with children present at 8:00 am!” What you don’t know is that the woman has Parkinson’s and is taking her granddaughter to school.

Most of us have experienced an incident such as the above that makes us wonder how some younger people can get aging so wrong. Based on my conversations with fellow “old folks,” I have compiled the top seven myths contributing to stereotypical views about aging.

Seven Aging Myths

1. Dementia is expected when you age. Slower information processing is often misinterpreted as a sign that our minds are turning to mush.[vi] Yes, it may take a few seconds longer to process incoming information, but neither age nor slower response times are necessarily correlated with dementia.[vii]

2. They are uninformed. Not knowing the characters’ names in Sex in the City does not mean we are uninformed. Uninformed is not understanding why Korea was partitioned. As we intelligently approach the end of our lives, choices are often made to avoid the clutter of processing too much information.[viii] Yes, we forget names, maybe even our social security number, but without any preparation can explain the complexity of the Middle East conflict.

3. Once the body goes, the mind follows. Moving slowly does not mean we have lost our marbles. Check out any book written by Stephen Hawking.

4. They’ve lost the capacity to be intimate. Our ability to love is not diminished by age, nor is it confined to what happens below the belt. Intimacy with age can involve many different non-sexual forms.[ix]

5. They’re going deaf, so speak loudly and slowly. Loss of hearing acuity does not correlate with a cognitive decline.[x] We may not hear well, but we know how to listen and when to remain silent.

6. They’re always cranky. We do get cranky. Do not take it personally—physical pain, a lifetime of experiences, and understanding the inevitability of aging have that effect.[xi]

7. The elderly need guidance. Do not treat us as children, no matter how much our bodies are failing or how long it takes to process information. Our need to act independently is as important for us as it is for you.[xii] We have made important decisions throughout our lives; trust us to continue unless we do something outrageous.

The Takeaway

Aging, as with most things we fear, is seen through fearful eyes; ones that distort the reality of getting older. Once myths are eliminated, both the positives and negatives of this inevitable condition can be understood. Research will provide us with guidelines for dealing with the constant changes, not wishes.