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Many of us are experiencing dark moments, even full days of doubt, anger, and sadness. No matter how unsettled you feel, you can quiet your mind and believe there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but you must choose to let go of what you planned for and be comfortable with not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
You might be thinking, “Right. That’s easy for you to say. You aren’t living my life.”
True, but I have coped with being in jail, overcame drug addiction, survived sexual abuse, lived with a life-threatening illness for years, weathered relationship and job disappointments, experienced discrimination based on my age, gender, and religion, and other lighter but still annoying life challenges.
These experiences did not destroy me. They shaped who I am, showed me what I could contribute, and brought me to the successful life I appreciate today. I have research to back up what I teach, but in this post, I share the lessons I learned with the hope they inspire you to persevere.
My life lessons taught me to access my wisdom with gratitude and to activate my courage with a sense of purpose.
When I quiet my mind and breathe in a feeling of gratitude for the gifts of intelligence, wit, and determination I have been given, I can access my wisdom. I know what I must do next.
When I write and teach with the intention of helping others to discover how they can move forward, I feel my sense of purpose. I take a moment to notice how strong I feel at the center of my body. I access my courage, knowing that what I fear may be real, but I can stand up to it with strength from my gut. I know what I must do, and I have the courage to do it.
Wisdom and courage keep me above the quicksand of unworthiness, rage, and doubt. I am reminded that even grim circumstances can lead to better days.
In order to keep you safe, your brain may tell you the fight is not worth it. When you feel anxious or helpless, it’s difficult for your brain to distinguish the real from imagined, and the worst-case scenario from what else is possible. If you react to life, you will not stand tall enough to see the many paths you can take. If instead, you choose your path, you will be knocked down but able to get back up stronger each time.
Again, you might be thinking, that is easy for you to say. Your life had more privileges and opportunities than mine.
I agree that life is imbalanced and often not fair. There are people who will stand in your way. There is loss that feels impossible to bear.
You still have choice. As I said before, “wanting to believe” means you let go of what you planned for and be comfortable with not knowing what will happen next.
Reframing your perspective
One way to persevere is to reframe the way you see your challenges. You may have come across the Parable of the Chinese Farmer. To summarize:
“A farmer and his son had a stallion who helped the family earn a living. When the horse ran away, the neighbors exclaimed, “What terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
The horse returned home with a few wild mares. The neighbors said, “What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Later that week, the farmer’s son broke his leg. The villagers cried, “What terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
A few weeks later, soldiers from the army marched through town, recruiting boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son with a broken leg. Friends shouted, “What luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
You don’t need to be an optimist, declaring everything will turn out fine. I’m suggesting you be a realist by weighing both risks and possibilities. You can’t predict the future, but you can keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Four routines for accessing your wisdom and courage
- Acknowledge your gifts. Think of a moment in your life where you accomplished something you doubted you could. List the talents, gifts, and character traits that helped you triumph despite your fear. These attributes represent who you are. No one can take these gifts away. They are there for you to call on when you need clear sight and strength.
- Discover what gives you a sense of purpose. What do you do that lifts your spirit and opens your heart? It may be when you help someone else or walk alone in nature. It might be when you are absorbed in a creative project. Maybe you feel full-hearted when you teach, write, sing, or cook. Your purpose doesn’t have to be focused on saving the world. Find your sense of purpose in the moments you enjoy feeling fully engaged.
- Activate self-compassion. Let yourself be human, knowing your reactions right now are normal for abnormal times. Spend more time praising even small moments of feeling wise and courageous than criticizing yourself when you slip into anger or fear. You will find yourself again.
- Take the horror stories in the news and on social media in small doses so your mind doesn’t spin out of control. Instead of catching up with the news, reach out to someone who might need a kind word to inspire their will to keep going.
The next time you find yourself in a vicious cycle of negative thinking, access your wisdom and courage to remember that this moment will pass. Maybe it’s disastrous, maybe not. Keep going to find out.
