Why It’s a Good Thing I Never Became a Therapist

Have you ever asked yourself, "Would I have made a good therapist?” In my case, the answer is probably not. I’ll explain why in a bit. One big truth, however: Psychotherapy has always made sense to me. If the rest of a person’s parts need tending to, then why not the brain?

Source: cottonbro studio/Pexels

The Snake Pit. Freud. The Three Faces of Eve. Patch Adams. Girl, Interrupted. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. In Treatment. These were scripts, stories, or accounts that reminded me how others could help an individual through the sometimes dark forest of their mind and how once an incident or reason for any emotional issue was uncovered, the patient could finally place context around behaviors and reactions that had served as stumbling blocks all their lives.

The thing is, therapy is not just for the treatment of psychoses, emotional trauma, and personality disorders. It's a recipe for balance and common sense for many individuals. A third party to "check in" with to determine the path they may pursue with a situation or a relationship. While it's great to understand all the "whys" of our existence, guidance for everyday issues, discovered through speaking with an expert, is a bonus of counseling.

I write for Psychology Today because I have always been interested in helping others get perspective (and a chuckle) over both parenting and aging. Truth be told, my first college major was psychology. I first studied all the famous guys—Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, William James, Ivan Pavlov, Alfred Adler, Abraham Maslow, and John Watson, among others. How nature and nurture affect people (or the lack of it) has always been fascinating to me. By my junior year, however, the math required to pass courses like experimental psychology and psychological statistics was my nemesis. I abandoned the idea because, in my mind, anything algebraic was a bridge too far for this brain. In other words, I was a student of psychology interrupted.

And that turned out to be a good thing. Because looking back, I know I might not have made the best therapist. Why? If I look at the qualities of a good therapist, I might well have failed the test. Perhaps not communication skills. I think I would have known how to confidently set boundaries, communicate ideas, and provide some perspective to my clients. But to be that person whose guidance is non-judgmental, accompanied by a saint's patience? Not a forte of mine. I am quick to form opinions and I can easily be thought of as a friend instead of a therapist.

But at least I know it now, instead of having deluded myself and others. Clients who may have struggled to progress or make decisions that did not benefit them would undoubtedly have become victims of my frustration. In other words, if you had come to me because you were living with a person who constantly abused you, and your therapy goals included finding ways to avoid conflict, I may have been too blunt with my advice, telling you to put a period at the end of that sentence.

Some of the best therapists I encountered when seeking them out for advice on parenting or cutting ties from the more toxic parts of my life were very confident. They directed me toward ways to improve my coping skills and also seemed to have a plan for helping me. They were non-judgmental and nurturing enough to help me open up about my upbringing, my life experiences, and where it all took me as an individual, a wife, and a mom.

Another thing: The truth is not always alive and well where therapy is concerned. Therapists often encounter situations where people leave out important details and characterize others as insignificant. So their keen powers of observation must help them fill in the gaps—reading body language and facial expressions. I am no master at the BS of others, so doubt I would have been great at that either.

Lastly, I would have had a penchant for drawing analogies from the life experiences of either myself or others to try to get a client to realize their own struggles were not that unique and that others had gone down that road and come through on the other side. I’m not at all sure that would have resonated as successfully as I would have wanted it to. Everyone is so unique, and there are shades of gray to so many personalities and backgrounds that may have escaped me. Spectrums abound.

Empathy. Patience. A willingness to not label anything or anyone. Excellent therapists are masters of these traits. I know that now, and because of it, I have even more respect for my fellow contributors on this site. While I write from a layperson’s point of view, my hat is off to those who help others through their issues. And I wish them all a new year full of gratified clients who see them as partners along this path we all travel.