6 Ways a Partner Might Try to Get You to Forgive Cheating

As we all know, infidelity is not a rare occurrence. Additionally, cheating partners often get caught and in many cases use various tactics to try to save the relationship. In a study by Apostoluou and Pediaditakis (2022) the authors set out to identify frequently used persuasion tactics. In addition, they looked at the effectiveness of these techniques: the likelihood that the cheating partners would be forgiven.

In Study #1 the authors both interviewed and presented subjects with a survey about persuasion techniques related to infidelity. The participants who were interviewed consisted of 20 Greek-speaking individuals; 88 Greek-speaking individuals participated in the survey part of the study. Participants were both male and female and were single, married, or divorced. Results of this first study found 41 behaviors that were frequently used as persuasion techniques. Study 2 compressed these behaviors into 5 categories also referred to as factors.

The following are the most frequently used behaviors which fall into six categories.

1. Our relationship is important

• Remind partner of the good times in the relationship
• Ask him/her to think about the good times
• Talk about the importance of the relationship
• Talk about investment in the relationship
• Talk about the importance of the partner in your life
• Tell partner that you love him/her
• Tell partner that you can't live without them

2. Blame the victim

• Tell partner that you have felt neglected
• Tell partner that their mistakes led you to infidelity
• Tell partner that they have been acting distant
• Tell partner that they made you feel insecure
• Remind partner of their infidelities
• Explain that your sex life hasn't been good

3. Minimize importance

• Tell partner that it was just sex without feelings
• Explain that it was meaningless
• Refer to it as superficial
• Describe it as insignificant
• Describe it as a moment of weakness
• Say that you were seduced
• Say it only happened once
• Explain that you were not thinking clearly
• Explain that you were drunk
• Point out that your passions and weaknesses led to your mistake

4. Use friends and relatives

• Ask children to persuade partner to forgive
• Ask a member of partner's family to talk to him or her about forgiveness
• Ask one of partner's close friends to recommend forgiveness
• Buy partner an expensive gift
• Tell partner to think about the children

5. It will not happen again.

• Express shame
• Say it was an error
• Apologize
• Apologize with tears
• Explain that it will never recur in the future
• Explain that it will never happen again
• Ask partner for forgiveness
• Say that you will do whatever it takes to get forgiveness

6. Repair the relationship

• Ask partner to get therapy with you to repair the relationship
• Ask partner if you can work together to fix the relationship
• Explain that you have real feelings for your partner

In Study #3 the authors went one step further to clarify how effective the above strategies were in terms of receiving forgiveness. The three most commonly used and most effective strategies were: repair the relationship, our relationship is important, and it will not happen again. Up to 41% of the participants indicated that they could be persuaded to forgive.

From these studies, we are reminded how complicated relationships are and how they frequently require repair work to be sustained. Although the three studies by the authors are very enlightening, it would be helpful to replicate these studies in different cultures. Additionally, the studies were based on hypothetical situations. In actual scenarios, individuals might use somewhat different scenarios.

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