Verified by 
Key points
- Human mating and persuasion both share the same basic steps of deepening commitment over time.
- The sequence of holidays during "cuffing season," especially in the U.S., follows a similar process.
- Thus, with the right steps, you can persuasively build a romantic relationship that lasts beyond the season.
For those who don't know, "cuffing season" refers to the tendency of people to pair up romantically for the fall and winter. Some experts explain this pattern with the change in temperature, given that humans like to cuddle up and mate when it gets colder. While that may be one motivating factor, I have another explanation that taps into both our mating dynamics and a bit of persuasion as well.
Human Mating and Social Influence
To understand cuffing season better, we must first discuss human mating in general. As I cover in my book Attraction Psychology, much like other animals we humans have our "mating dance" too. We go through a series of courtship steps in order to find a mate, build attraction, form a pair bond, and get physically intimate. Thus, step by step, romantic partners meet and deepen their connection and commitment over time.
Now, in the persuasion and influence sense, another way to look at this process is one of commitment and consistency. Generally, people are motivated to stay consistent with their past behaviors and commitments, leading them to stick with the status quo. That means that if you can get someone to agree to a smaller request, they are more likely to agree to larger requests later on too. This is called the Foot-in-the-Door Effect and it works for dating requests, as well.
Keeping both these ideas in mind, we can see that the progression of the holidays in the fall and winter follow both the steps of mating and commitment/consistency (especially in the U.S.). To start, Halloween offers an opportunity to look sexy and attract a partner, perhaps with a casual request to meet up at a party. The lead-up to Thanksgiving provides time to get to know each other better, with an increasing commitment to meet friends and family.
Christmastime deepens the commitment further, leading to even more parties, people, and the added investment of gifts in various traditions. Finally, New Year's resolutions and Valentine's Day plans deepen that investment all the more—leading, perhaps, to a mating connection that lasts beyond the cold of cuffing season into the year ahead. Thus, by following each holiday step, cuffing season can be a persuasive way to create a romantic relationship overall.
Cuffing Season Steps for Success
Let's look at the steps to making the most of this upcoming cuffing season in more detail.
1) Leading up to Halloween: October gets a bit chilly and marks the beginning of cuffing season. Thus, it is time to focus on the keys to being attractive in order to catch the eye of partners, as well as picking out a sexy Halloween costume. Networking with friends to find dates and parties to attend is helpful here as well. Ideally, the goal is to look good, identify a partner, and ask them out to a Halloween party.
A secondary goal would be to look your best and attract a partner at some Halloween gathering instead. Either way, as people pair up, scarcity influences people to pick a mate for the season anyway. So, your chances of "getting your foot in the door" and finding someone interested are good at this time.
2) Moving toward Thanksgiving: November gets even colder and offers more indoor activities to get to know a new romantic partner even better. The goal here is to build some rapport and connection, as well as get physically closer, over a few dates.
From there, start making conversation about longer-term plans—especially plans for Thanksgiving. Getting an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner is the next commitment and consistency step here. Such an introduction to a partner's family and close friends can make the difference between forming a significant commitment down the road, versus getting stuck as just friends-with-benefits.
3) Heading toward Christmastime: Parties abound at this time—for work, family, and friends. So, the commitment of Thanksgiving is furthered even more in two important ways. First, partners get to know each other better, focusing on unique features and points of compatibility. This deepens the relationship.
Second, there is also an increased investment in one another, particularly in the form of presents. Thus, it is important to consider such holiday gifts carefully and make note of what message your gift sends. Show how well you fit into a partner's life at work and home, and pick the right gift, and your romantic connection might just grow into the new year.
4) From New Year's Eve to Valentine's Day: Now we reach the last stage of cuffing season, but perhaps the beginning of your long-term romance. Between the thoughts of New Year's resolutions and the ever-present focus on Valentine's Day romance, the almost subliminal persuasion at this time favors making an even larger loving commitment.
The goal is to set the stage for romance, on either or both occasions, and "define the relationship" expectations for the year to come. Specifically, what are your (and your partner's) relationship goals for the future? Was this simply fun for the season, or have you found attraction and compatibility for the long-term? Thus, with a bit of courage and honest discussion, you might end this cuffing season with a committed, monogamous partner—and not have to worry about the trials and tribulations of cuffing season again.
References
© 2023 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.
