Lessening the Frustration of Being 'On Hold'

My friend sighed with frustration when I asked how her day had been. “On hold,” she complained. “I am doing my taxes and had to call several places to get forms that had not been sent to me. Every phone call went right to, ‘A representative is helping other customers.’ By the end of the day, I felt myself getting extremely agitated every time the ‘on hold music’ started to play.”

Most of us can relate to her frustration. Getting through to a human who can answer your questions, make an appointment, or clear up a billing misunderstanding requires patience and a high threshold for anger. The music usually doesn’t help, nor does the often-repeated sales message that fills in the rest of the silence.

Does our ability (or its lack) to tolerate being on hold vary according to our differing personalities? Is it possible that we can learn how to be productive or less angered during the long waits? (One solution is to accept a callback and assume you will still be awake when the call does come.) Does our patience begin to fray and evaporate when the call is finally answered, and the result is to be transferred to another line with another hold time, and on and on and on?

Given the ubiquity of inadequate personnel to answer these calls (“Due to greater call volume, wait times are longer than usual...”), one would think that organizations might come up with better ways to soothe the caller’s agitation as the time drags on. (What about listening to a funny podcast, or a short story, or choosing the music we like?)

But our ability to endure being on hold also may be influenced by our personality, our emotional state, time limitations, and whatever else (stress, for example) is going on in our lives. Indeed, since hold times and waiting in line are an inescapable aspect of our lives, perhaps there should be some sort of training we can go through to stop us from gnashing our teeth, and wishing we could smash our cellphones. Dogs, for example, if they are trainable (mine is not) will stay in a fixed position for minutes even if temptation like a treat is close by. Imagine their frustration and yet they do it, willing to extend the time of immobility to get a treat.

Should we plan a treat for ourselves if we can patiently wait on hold until our needs are addressed? Or, assuming that we will have to wait every time we call an airline, or the Social Security office, or the internet company about our non-functioning television—should we plan ahead so we can chop vegetables, balance our checkbook, or write thank-you notes that we have been putting off for months? Rather than falling victim to listening to impossible music interspersed with repetitive verbal advertisements, using the time to carry out tasks or even play a game on the phone means that we are taking charge of our time. One reason we are frustrated when we are being put on hold is because it implies that our time is not important. In our overextended world, this attitude is not easily accepted.

Many situations that cause us to become frustrated may be out of our control. We have to wait for a medical test result and/or a medical appointment; the waiting time seems too long for the gravity of the situation. Commuting makes us vulnerable to prolonged delays on a highway or public transportation. Parts needed to repair an essential piece of equipment are not available due to pandemic shipping problems. A friend who lives on the sixth floor of his apartment building told me that the elevator has been broken for three weeks. The parts have not been delivered because of shipping delays. “We put chairs on every landing so we can sit down before continuing our climb,” he said. “It is frustrating, but what can you do?” Ironically, the chairs had an unexpected benefit; neighbors sit and chat with each other.

Regardless of whether we anticipate frustration from the phone call we are planning on making, or the commute home during a snowstorm, or the unexpected of not being able to get an elevator repaired, there are responses that might prevent the frustration from changing into anger. Patience, a commodity that many of us could use more of, is helped when we are distracted by something positive. If you do play games on your cellphone, save doing so for times when you are on hold. Have something to read or, if you are in the car, an audiobook may make you forget you are in a traffic jam. Sharing your frustration with family or friends will often bring a sympathetic response, because they too have had similar experiences.

Many of us become frustrated because control over a situation is taken away from us. We make the phone call, but the intended recipient refuses to answer and makes us wait. We plan on arriving at our destination at a certain time. Plans are based on our arrival but the plane is hours late, the traffic is impossible, or we get lost because the directions were inadequate.

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One way to compensate ourselves for our inability to control and manage our time to our satisfaction is to use self-soothing techniques. Often music (not the kind played while we are on hold) works to diminish our agitation. Relaxation techniques or mediation can work (except when we must keep ourselves alert and ready to respond when the wait is over). Eating helps—not mindless nibbling, but a specific quantity of a starchy snack like pretzels, breakfast cereal like oatmeal squares, or half a bagel. After the carbohydrate (about 25-30 grams) is digested, the amino acid tryptophan enters the brain and serotonin is made. Serotonin soothes disturbed moods, and takes the edge off of anger and impatience. It takes about 20 to 30 minutes to work and, if you are lucky, you will start to feel calmer just about when your call is finally answered.