Verified by 
Love is about the belief, not the promise.
So many want the promise. So many crave a contract. So many want a guarantee.
But love is not a property or an investment. Like it was in the '50s. Where you revolve your life around building the perfect picket fence, wear pretty dresses, and walk on eggshells.
Love is space. And in that space, a belief is born. Around that belief, the action of love is wrapped. Like arms. And that action, assuming it's healthy, protects the space where the belief continues to grow.
If you focus on the belief—the expansion, the possibilities, the greater that comes from two whole people, and the glue and growth today not tomorrow, and less on the deal, the agreement, and all the what-ifs. If you love with instead of around or at. If you stay in engaged in the here and now, lock eyes, and hold faces. Gently and long enough to see deeper. Past one's past. If you refuse to play chess and just be the most honest version of yourself. If you seek to be seen instead of wanted. You will create the space to believe. And as you feed and grow that space, the promise will be the fruit.
To love is to create the space to believe. Without it, love will bear no promise.
I, like you, have put the promise first. I, like you, have grabbed before holding. And I, like you, have lost.
Engagement holds new meaning today. It's not a ring around a finger. It's not about the promise. It's about being fully present and seen. It's farming the soil, with awareness and ownership, with transparency, connection, and distance. Championing one's story, not just one's chapter. To look beyond the skin. To love with eyes closed. Palms open. It's no longer about the picket fence. Because we all know that shit has splinters.
I, like you, have loved with only my eyes. I, like you, exchanged vows for security and a false permanence as a way to control. And I, like you, have lost.
There is so much more to love than what we see. That is lust, not love. The super glue is produced in how the connection makes us feel. The space that two souls create as both walk through the dark tunnels of life. Getting lost. Then found. Together. Turbulence and the underbelly create love. Not the shine and what looks good. That's sugar. Empty calories.
We are visual creatures. Programmed by upbringing and advertising. Our environment, what we saw as children, who was around us, the experiences we had, and everything we felt we were lacking, creates our draw. Our types and preferences. Makes us focus on chasing posters.
The thing is we can't undo this. Attraction is real. We like what we like. The cement is dry. But we can give it less power by putting weight on new things. Deeper things. Things we can't see. Things we didn't give attention to before. Because we've been clouded by our past and chasing only what we knew or felt familiar. By distributing our love chips, we will give ourselves new love experiences.
The New Love
Compassion and honesty over timelines and promises. Focusing on depth instead of width. Letting go of what was. Leaning into something new without strings. Or blueprints and old, folded definitions from our parents that we still keep in our back pockets.
The new love stems from courage, not fear. Courage to speak the truth and accept differences, understanding that pain is not a reason to blame. But a part of love. Like discoloration on a leaf. Courage to show shortcomings and weaknesses. To sit still in and through. To hold onto to yourself before the other. And if someone drops to their knees, to not drop with them but stay standing. Offering a hand not a life.
The new love is purpose-driven. Not ego-driven. Greater than the parts. The new love comes in moments that stand alone and are not defined by years. The new love redefines beauty as how someone makes you feel, not just attraction and preferred aesthetics. The new love is about a beautiful person, not beautiful people, and examines energy, flow, and the spiritual dance. The new love is a slow burn. Not lightning in a cracked bottle.
The new love is about the micro. Like dimples and freckles and beauty marks in imperfect places. A crocked smile, off-center banter, and idiosyncrasies that make the dynamic truly dynamic. The long rub. The quick glance. The feeling of a drop of sweat running down your side that was created by a raw passion.
The new love is not about the finish. Instead, it's about discovery. The new love is about putting value in the power of the collision of two stories, and the secondary change produced because of that collision. Not how many years it lasts. Because length doesn't equal potency. Or high notes. We all know this.
The new love is about the ability to make one feel supported and heard and seen and safe without fists and a puffed-out chest. The new love is about building something together that doesn't fit in a box, but sits on a table as a centerpiece. The new love is about embracing instead of trying to change. Growing individually over growing old together. It's about the daily ride. A new way to fight that doesn't create panic and cuts people at the knees. The new love is about communication and taking all your ideas of types, attraction, what a "good" relationship looks like, and every judgment you have because of your past, and starting with just one thing: curiosity.
Over 60 percent of marriages end in divorce today. Dating is dead due to our swipe culture. There needs to be a change. It starts with you.
We all have a responsibility to create a new love by working on ourselves. We have to stop blaming other people and take ownership of building the kind of love we want and deserve.
Where should you start?
— Angry
If you want to be a life coach, check out JRNI COACHING.
