3 Ways to Keep Your Inner Critic in Check

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Whether you are a homemaker, healthcare provider, or senior executive, the drive to succeed often awakens an inner critic that can be hard for you to ignore. When your own expectation of performing well on an external measure of success is not met, your inner critic can be harsh and piercing. Your confidence and sense of self-security may gradually wane, and despite all other evidence to the contrary, you may begin to feel like an imposter waiting to be exposed.

In traditional methods of assessment, your capabilities and potential are measured using external measures of performance. As high achievers, this is what we are used to: grades on written and oral exams, our performance evaluations from supervisors and peers, our job titles and promotions, our credentials and awards.

External measures are important to help identify our strengths and weaknesses from an objective perspective, and to ensure that we have met certain standards and competencies. However, they are not the only measure of success and are arguably less impactful than the internal measures we set for ourselves, both professionally and personally. Here’s how to define internal measures of success that can help keep your inner critic in check.

1. Set Measures of Success that Are Meaningful

Your inner critic is that little voice in your head that is quick to tell you what you’ve done wrong, what you could have done better, or what you need to fix. It focuses primarily on negativity and judgment that can feel discouraging, disempowering, demoralizing, and make you believe that “you can’t” instead of “you can”. If you commit to this thought pattern beyond constructive feedback, you can find yourself caught in a downward spiral of self-doubt. This belief impacts how you perceive your own capabilities and can perpetuate a cycle of self-criticism.

Instead, consider what success looks like to you from within, beyond the roles and definitions set forth for you by the world around you. Thinking back to a situation when you were highly critical of yourself, beyond your expectations for an external measure of success, did you maintain a positive outlook through the difficult circumstance? Were you willing to be flexible and consider alternative solutions? Were you able to remain kind and compassionate in moments of conflict? Did you work as hard, do your best, and remain true in your intentions? Were you humble and willing to ask for help if you needed it?

Internal measures like these are meaningful and can help tame your inner critic. They offer opportunities for personal reflection, introspection, and growth that can lead to positive transformation and contribute to your success in unexpected ways.

2. Be Kind and Compassionate With Yourself

My parents always said, “So long as you work hard and put forth full effort honestly and sincerely, don’t worry about the results—they will come naturally.” Whether related to my education, work, or interactions with others, their emphasis was always on doing my best, and in alignment with my values within.

Good internal measures have nothing to do with test results, social norms, or even the opinion that others may have of you. They are entirely about your own growth and the lessons you learn along the way. Every situation we encounter is unique. We don’t always have the answers, know the right way to behave, or make the right decisions every time. It is important to feel comfortable with making mistakes and to be open to constructive feedback. However, when you notice your inner critic going into overdrive, it is also essential to be kind and compassionate with yourself. Set aside the negative thoughts, acknowledge what you did well, and look for new lessons to learn. This will help you develop a strong inner sense of self, manage stress, and overcome imposter syndrome.

3. Keep a Growth-Oriented Mindset

Fundamental to self-development is having a growth mindset where all circumstances, simple or challenging, are considered unique opportunities for learning. You can manage a difficult interaction as an example, not because the situation allows you to do so, but because you have developed the necessary knowledge, skills, and ability to deal with whatever challenges may come your way.

External measures of success matter because they are objective indicators of your performance. But the internal measures of success that align with your values, morals, and beliefs are more integral to your self-concept.

Be honest, humble, authentic, kind, compassionate, and fair with yourself. Maintain flexibility and a growth-oriented mindset rooted in your values. Keeping your inner critic in check in this way will help build confidence, enhance positivity, and welcome constructive measures of success, both external and internal.