Finding the Funny

Source: Anna Akbari

When I was wrestling with a debilitating, life-threatening medical drama, I found myself doing something a bit unorthodox: I made a lot of jokes. Not the canned, “a guy walks into a bar” type of jokes or (God help us) corny “Dad jokes," but observational, “isn’t this all absurd” wisecracks. Some may say I was deflecting the pain of the situation, and perhaps there’s some truth in that. But I believe you can feel deeply and find the funny, all at once. (Crying and laughing are close emotional cousins.)

Even in my darkest moments, I always find some comedy gold just waiting for me to mine it from an otherwise “serious” situation. There is no context in which I can’t find something to chuckle at, even in the spaces between snotty sobs. A life of levity is the only kind of life for me.

How about you? Are you a serious person? Or a funny person? Are the two at odds?

Chances are, you used to identify with being either humorous or easily humored (maybe even both). For many people, however, that shifts around the time we enter the workforce. There’s even a name for it: the “humor cliff.” Sounds ominous and decidedly unfunny, right? Basically, as we get older, many of us laugh and smile less. To be clear, I’m not saying we all stop being the standup comedians we were in our youth: I’m saying we suppress basic expressions of joy that come naturally to us in the name of being a Serious Adult.

Here’s the good news: You can reclaim that childlike sense of humor with a little deliberate mindfulness. Here’s where to start:

• Find the funny in your everyday life. Humor is cathartic and paradigm-shifting. What if that bleak or simply dull situation had a silver lining? Or at least something weird to amuse you? Life is absurd, and observing the idiosyncrasies of your own life is truly the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to humor. Start by cracking yourself up, and let the energy it generates work its contagious magic as it ripples beyond you.

• Use humor as a persuasive tactic. When used appropriately, leaders who effectively use humor induce more engagement and positive emotions in their employees. We are more likely to follow and be persuaded by people we like, and we tend to like people who make us smile and laugh. So don’t leave humor out of your professional arsenal.

• Use humor for emotional connection. Bonding isn’t just the result of sharing serious thoughts and feelings. Humor is equally part of our foundational connection. It’s disarming, and when we lay down our armor, we open the door to real connection. Plus, (appropriately calibrated) humor breaks the ice and forms a lasting moment for mutual remembering and future “callbacks” that reignite joy and connection.

• Embrace laughter for well-being. According to Mayo Clinic, laughter releases endorphins, soothes tension, relieves stress, improves mood, and enhances your coping skills. Phew. All with just a laugh. Challenge yourself to watch or read something silly or (better yet) have a fun(ny) conversation once a day.

• Encourage your children to be as funny as they are studious. People desire healthy, smart children, but too few say, “I want a kid with a great belly laugh!” Let’s change that. Model a life of laughter, tell funny stories, and use humor to break tense parental moments. Raising whole people with cultivated senses of humor makes the world (and your household) a happier place.

• Have a friend who is suffering? Act counterintuitively and invite them to do something silly or send them something funny to read or watch. We too often feel there’s nothing we can “do” to help our loved ones who are suffering. Spreading humor in serious times is a free service available to everyone, and as their loved one, you know what would most appeal to them. Challenge yourself to give that gift as often as possible. Trust me, it will give them hope and make them feel supported, far beyond the fleeting chuckle.

• If you’re a woman, don’t let the men have all the fun! There is serious gender disparity when it comes to perceptions of who’s funny and who has a sense of humor. Reality check: Women are every bit as funny as men if they cultivate that skill and allow themselves to express it. Women are naturally keen observers, and observation is comedy’s foundational building block. Nurture it in yourself and encourage it in other women.

• And finally: Be better than the Dad jokes! You can do it. I believe in you.

An obligatory “don’t be that person” disclaimer: No one likes the cringe-inducing humor of the awkward person who can’t read the room and slings insults under the guise of being funny, telling everyone in their wake to “lighten up.” Calibrate your teasing to audiences you know will appreciate it and exercise caution in high-stakes contexts like the workplace. That doesn’t mean it’s all or nothing, but a little self-awareness and audience savvy is the key to landing any great joke.

Let’s Get Laughing

Do you currently "LOL" or "hahaha" via text or email, but find that you rarely laugh out loud? Vow to change that—starting now. Take heart in knowing that no one is “born funny," and everyone has the ability to cultivate and expand the role of humor in their lives. We can stop taking ourselves so seriously while continuing to take life seriously. Allow the two to coexist.

The past year has been heavy, to say the least. But we need not stay stuck in that grim place. Most of us, at the end of our lives, will not say, “I wish I’d been more serious!” Rather, we’ll wish we’d prioritized silliness and joy. So what are you waiting for? Something crappy will, inevitably, come down the pipeline again, perhaps sooner than you’d like. But sometimes the only way out is through laughter.

Humor researcher Jennifer Aakar says that “laughing is like meditating, having sex, and exercising—all at once!” Honestly, if that doesn’t compel you, I’ve got nothing.

Here’s hoping you have a laugh today and every day.

p.s. — Did this make you laugh? No? OK then. Did you learn something or feel a tiny bit inspired? Maybe a little? Share it with a friend who could use a pick-me-up or who always tickles your funny bone. Hopefully it’ll be a good excuse to flex your humor muscle (not an "LOL," but a real laugh).