Surprising Benefits of (Safely) Chatting With Strangers

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Amid the pandemic, our lives have become small and most days look the same. Many of us interact face-to-face with people in our household and maybe in our “quarantine pods.” The rest of human contact transpires through electronic means. As a psychologist, I am seeing how this prolonged unnatural situation negatively affects people’s mood, energy level, motivation, anxiety, and life satisfaction.

One thing that’s missing from our lives is the accidental, and often short, contact with strangers and acquaintances. Pre-pandemic, we might exchange brief pleasantries with bus drivers, fellow commuters, salespeople, and baristas. Or we might engage in small talk with our kids’ teachers and other parents at drop-off, with neighbors during an evening stroll, and with bartenders in our favorite bar. The importance of these connections was recognized first in 1973, when sociologist Mark Granovetter coined the term “weak ties” to describe these connections.

The pandemic has drastically diminished our weak ties. Why does that matter? Research shows that the strength and quantity of weak ties is related to positive mood, well-being, sense of belonging, and creativity. A new study by Gul Gunaydin and colleagues published in the Journal of Happiness Studies surveyed 856 bus commuters in Turkey. They found that those who engaged in at least minimal positive interaction with bus drivers reported more positive mood and life satisfaction, compared to commuters who didn’t talk with the drivers.

Furthermore, they randomly assigned an additional 265 commuters to either a “positive interaction group” or a control group. Positive interaction group participants were explicitly instructed to express their good wishes (e.g., by saying “Have a nice day”) and gratitude (e.g., by saying “Thank you”) to the driver in a warm and sincere manner as they got off the shuttle while making eye contact if possible. Participants in the control group were asked not to speak with the driver. This real-world experiment conclusively showed that engaging with our “weak ties” creates positive feelings.

These findings are consistent with two 2014 studies. In one, commuters on Chicago trains and buses had more positive trips when they talked to strangers they encountered than if they stayed silent or did what they normally do. Interestingly, when asked, the commuters predicted the opposite; people erroneously seemed to think that commuting in solitude would make them happy. Furthermore, when this “talking to a stranger” experiment was replicated in a lab, those who were approached and chatted up by unfamiliar people liked the experience.

In the second study, students at a Canadian university who interacted with more classmates (not just their friends) were happier and experienced greater feelings of belonging. The result was replicated with community members.

So what can we do now, during the pandemic? If you are venturing out of your home, wearing a mask and keeping six feet apart, you can still make your and someone else’s day with a little effort:

1. Start a conversation with a checkout clerk at your pharmacy or grocery store. Ask them how their day is going and how they are doing during the pandemic. Compliment them on something they did well — but only if it’s true. People are very good at picking up on insincerity! Wish them good health and safety.

2. Greet your neighbor, even if they are walking across the street. Inquire about their life and ask if you could be of help in any way — assuming you are able to do that. Showing kindness and doing things for others have additional mental health benefits, such as lower depression and higher happiness.

3. At your doctor’s or dentist’s office, engage with the front desk and medical staff. Express curiosity about how their jobs have changed. If appropriate, show empathy for how hard it must have been for them, working through the pandemic on the front lines.

4. If you are one of the essential workers going to work outside your home, you probably are already chatting with your colleagues and co-workers. Make sure that the conversation is reciprocal — that you are giving the other person space to talk about their troubles and joys. When we are overwhelmed ourselves, it’s sometimes hard to remember that others could be hurting as bad, or even more.

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5. Remember that not everyone is going to be friendly back. I just came back from a walk, during which my kind comment about a passerby’s colorful mask was ignored. But science suggests that people will be happy to reciprocate our affability more often than not. And even if they don’t, you can feel good for trying!