Four Simple Ways to End Your Next Argument

"You're not listening to me," exclaimed Jennifer as she threw the mail down on the kitchen table. "It's not about the dishes, it's about everything!"

"What are you talking about," questioned Mark, her boyfriend of two years. "I forgot to wash the dishes because I was busy fixing the toilet!"

"Yea, the toilet you broke," Jennifer threw back.

"You know what? What do you want from me? I fixed the toilet, I give you my paycheck, and-"

"And you still didn't wash the dishes! I have to do everything around here..." Jennifer stormed out of the kitchen and locked herself in the bedroom.

In any relationship, conflict is inevitable. Conflict can bring our ugliest selves to the surface. It doesn't matter what the conflict is about, when emotions are high, you are liable to say anything to your partner. When relationships are in conflict it's easy to get self-righteous. During the argument you believe with all your heart that you're right and the other person is wrong.

This is disaster waiting to happen. The next time you're in conflict, try doing these steps.

1. Listen

When you're in the middle of a conflict, don't discount what the other is saying. Sometimes count to 10 before you respond. It's the old cliché, "seek to understand before you try to be understood." Try your hardest, even if you're really upset, to see things from the other person's point of view.

2. Don't Blame Shift

It's a sure way to start an argument that goes nowhere. As you see with Jennifer and Mark, blame shifting is exhausting. Take a look at these common blame shifts:

Her: "You watch too much TV."

Him: "Well, you're on Facebook and Twitter all the time."

Her: "Can you help me unload the dishwasher right now?"

Him: "You never help me when I ask you."

Let me ask you something, did anything get solved in this heated conversation? Nope. Blame shifting is simply a waste of energy. It escalates the situation and doesn't provide a solution for anyone.

3. Don't Become the Parent or the Child

Don't talk to your partner like you're the parent and they're the child. Parents point their finger, raise their voice and talk about what you should or must do. Also don't talk like you're the child and they're the parent.

It's best to talk adult to adult. Adults are rational, their tone of voice is calm, and adults don't use provocative nonverbal gestures.

4. Don't Hold a Grudge

Get resolution to your conflicts. Listen to the other person's concerns and then come up with a resolution that will work for both people involved. My book, Relationship Boot Camp shows you exactly how