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Relationships
Are Trad Wives Really Happier?
The research behind traditional wives and how it applies to your relationship.
Posted August 9, 2024 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- The trad wife movement is based on the belief that men and women should assume “traditional” gender roles.
- Recent research does not find any evidence that being a traditional wife protects you from divorce.
- What really matters is how fair you see the arrangement and how satisfied you are with the division of labor.
The recent media coverage of social media mega-influencer Hannah Neeleman of Ballerina Farm has brought the "trad wife" movement into the spotlight and raised the question of whether women like Hannah are as happy as they portray themselves on social media. Could this life really be a blissful escape from the modern grind, or is it all a facade? Are these women really happy in their traditional marriages, or have they been manipulated into a life of thankless, unpaid labor? Surprisingly enough, research provides an explanation as to how trad wives might actually be happy with this seemingly unfair arrangement— but it doesn’t mean that the trad wife life is right for everyone.
The trad wife movement is based on the belief that men and women should assume “traditional” gender roles, with women caring for the house and children, and men providing financially and managing most decisions for the family. Although Hannah Neeleman does not self-identify as a trad wife, much less promote this lifestyle, she does exemplify it for many. Scores of other influencers on social media do identify with this label and are insistent that this way of life is superior. It also goes without saying that most of what these trad wives are posting on social media is a performative fantasy life at best. Yet, it is hard not to wonder whether #tradwifelife is the easier and simpler way as you watch them blissfully making bread from scratch.
Do Trad Wives Have Happier Marriages?
Recent research does not find any evidence that being a traditional wife protects you from divorce and even suggests that more egalitarian relationships may be more likely to stand the test of time. One study from Sweden found that couples who split housework equally were less likely to divorce or break up when compared to more traditional arrangements. If you feel like you have heard the opposite, it could be because this trend has been changing. Research finds that couples married before 1975 were more likely to get divorced when the women worked and completed fewer household tasks, but these factors did not seem to matter for couples married after 1975.
So, we don’t have clear evidence that being in a “traditional” marriage protects you from divorce, but are traditional marriages happier? A large survey of married couples found that 81 percent of egalitarian couples reported that they are happy while only 18 percent of “traditional” couples reported that they were happy. According to this research, egalitarian couples are 4.5 times more likely to be happily married than traditional couples. An equal division of labor for household tasks seems to be associated with better relationships for the most part (and by equal division, most studies mean at least a 30 percent/70 percent split). Research consistently indicates that dividing housework equally is linked to better relationship quality for both men and women. In fact, when the housework is split more equally, women show improved marital satisfaction and less negativity in their marriage.
While previous research has found that men’s relationship quality may suffer as a result of equally sharing housework, more recent research has found that men may now be more satisfied with the relationship when housework is split equally.
But Is it Really All About What You Think Is “Fair”?
It might not be the equal division of labor in these relationships that makes them happier but rather whether both partners feel like the division of labor is “fair.” In other words, equal relationships are more likely to result in both partners feeling like their division of labor is “fair” which then results in a happier relationship. One study found that the unequal division of household chores causes women to see the relationship as unfair, which then causes distress in the relationship and personal distress. Another study found the same for child care—women in unequal parenting arrangements reported more relationship problems when they perceived it as unfair. In other words, the unequal division of household and child care labor may only negatively impact your relationship if you see it as “unfair.”
Important Note
Even though the research explains why some trad wives may be happy with this arrangement and have healthy and happy marriages, there may also be some trad wives who have been manipulated by men or a patriarchal society into a controlling or even abusive relationship. Certainly, there are many happy and healthy marriages with traditional gender roles, but research finds that abuse may be more common in couples with traditional gender roles. It can be harder for women in a relationship with traditional gender roles to even notice the signs of abuse, much less reach out for help. When your partner is in complete control of the household and refuses to involve you in financial decision-making, this may be a form of financial abuse.
In addition to trad wives promoting values that lead to the oppression of women, there are so many other issues with trad wives beyond the scope of this article, including a lack of inclusivity of people of color and families that are not a man and woman married to each other, as well as setting unrealistic standards for women.
How Does This Research Apply to You and Your Relationship?
As our society evolves, it seems that egalitarian relationships tend to be happier and more stable than “traditional” relationships. However, it seems that what really matters is how “fair” you see the arrangement and how satisfied you are with the division of labor. This could explain why some trad wives may be happy with what seems to us an extremely unfair arrangement.
So, are trad wives like Hannah really happy? Could you really be happy as a trad wife? Are any wives and mothers truly happy with how unequal the division of labor in a household remains even in 2024? It is impossible to say. However, given the increasingly egalitarian society that we live in, it is becoming increasingly difficult to see this arrangement as fair and be satisfied with it.
What does this research mean for your own life and your own relationship? It means you might want to honestly evaluate your own beliefs about what is fair and really examine what you would be satisfied with in your relationship. Honestly ask yourself what feels like a fair division of household labor and child care to you? The answer will be different for every person. If your current relationship does not match your ideal standards, then ask yourself whether you can accept this level of inequality or whether you want to work towards a more egalitarian relationship.
While we all grapple with these big questions, the literature does provide one concrete tip for helping cope with the unfair division of labor in a household. Research finds that the lowest quality relationships are ones in which the male partner discredits or underestimates the amount of work that the female partner does. Furthermore, the negative impacts of unequal division of labor seem to disappear when you feel appreciated by your partner. So whether you are a trad wife/husband or a household that nearly equally splits the division of labor, the work of running a household is difficult and important work, and should be acknowledged and appreciated.
