Stress Hurts

If you've ever done anything athletic, you know that, when your muscles are tired, you don't perform as well as when you're refreshed. The same thing is true about your brain. When it's overwhelmed with stress, anxiety or depression, it doesn't perform as well.

At this point, 2020 has become a trope. I've heard people say, when something goes wrong, "I just got 2020'd!" Covid-19, economic uncertainty, a tumultuous election, and the continued divide in our country, have made stress and anxiety commonplace.

What I'd like to encourage you to do during this time is to just be mindful of the defense mechanism of "displacement." In essence, displacement is our tendency to take a threatening emotion and redirect it to a less threatening target. If you have a negative interaction with your boss, you know that you cannot really tell him what you feel if you want to keep your job. According to Freud, the repression of your emotions builds up pressure in your brain, and eventually needs to be released.

This pressure builds up and up, and can make you more easily agitated than you might otherwise be. On a normal day, when you come home and your dog's enthusiasm causes a glass to fall off of a table, you can brush it off. "Oh well." But when you come home in a state, this same event can cause you to fly off the handle. You might yell at the dog, or even hit the dog. In so doing, you can partially release your anger without jeopardizing your employment. Poor Fido has to be the sacrificial lamb, taking on your sins to keep the family budget intact.

In a recent study published in the journal Childhood Abuse and Neglect, the authors suggest that stress can be connected to harsh parenting practices, child abuse and child neglect, perhaps for the same reasons that led to Fido's treatment for that broken glass.

"It is well-established that stress plays an important role in child maltreatment potential (Rodriguez-Jenkins & Marcenko, 2014; Whipple & Webster-Stratton, 1991). Exposure to stressors can lead to cognitive, emotional, and physical fatigue, which may in turn place undue strain on the parent-child relationship (Deater-Deckard, 2004). Indeed, as parental stress levels rise, parents may be more likely to engage in harsh parenting (Beckerman, van Berkel, Mesman, & Alink, 2017), thereby increasing the risk of child maltreatment (Martorell & Bugental, 2006; Rodriguez & Green, 1997)."

Just keep this in mind, dear reader. You're human, and you're feeling stressed out. You're trapped in your house with your family, and the outside world has infiltrated the boundaries of what used to be a safe haven away from work and culture. If you're mindful of this fact, perhaps it will give you the self-control and ethical consideration necessary to redirect your negative emotions away from your partner and your children, so that your relationships can still be a source of strength for moving through life.

The authors suggest that the two best things that you can do to manage your stress without displacing that stress onto your family are: 1) Having outside support; 2) Developing skills that show you that you have control over your life and your response to life's events.

Easier said than done, I know. But I'm convinced that you can find ways to connect with other people who can provide you that support, and that you have avenues available to you to help you develop the resilience that you need at this time. Reach out if you need a supportive ear to help you navigate what's happening around you. Before you do any further damage to your relationships with your family, get some support. There's no shame in asking for help.