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Single mothers are independent, resilient, and doing a great job of raising their children. But, let’s face it: parenting alone is emotionally demanding and stressful. During the holiday season, stressors can pile up and overwhelm even the strongest of single moms. But by being strategic about self-care, single moms can reduce the holiday stress caused by the following four common challenges:
1. Sleep deprivation. Not surprisingly, single moms rarely get enough sleep. Why? Because they can get so much done when their kids are sleeping! The added demands of the holiday season can sabotage a single mom’s already precarious relationship with sleep. Moms parenting alone bear the burden of gift shopping and wrapping, baking for school events, driving to holiday recitals, cooking and cleaning for holiday celebrations, and much more. In fact, many single moms take on extra shifts or side jobs to afford the trappings of the holiday season. Sleep deprivation is a fragile foundation on which to cope with other challenges, so it’s critical to figure out how to get enough rest during the holidays. This might mean a messier house, more screen time for the kids, or even a mandated family naptime. Try to view these temporary adjustments as proactive strategizing, not a sign of weakness.
2. Loneliness. There’s something about doing everything by yourself during the holidays that’s super-stressful. Every decision—from which gift to buy to how to answer questions about Santa—is all on you. Even in the company of your children, decorating the tree or lighting the menorah can feel solitary and less than festive. Holiday rituals, such as stuffing your own stocking or making latkes by yourself, drive home the point that you are alone. Holiday cards and letters, school parties, classic holiday movies, and seasonal work events present a deluge of reminders that you are not part of a couple. This is not the time to revel in alone time. Instead, try to mitigate holiday stress by buddying up with another single mom to shop for gifts or take your kids to a holiday event. Be proactive about fighting off feelings of isolation by inviting friends and family over for a holiday potluck. Focus on the joys of your family by making a fun holiday video, going caroling, or establishing a new tradition. Aim for connection, and the stress that comes with loneliness won’t get the best of you.
3. Financial insecurity. After a divorce or the loss of a partner, single moms often become economically vulnerable. Not surprisingly, such economic hardship is linked to anxiety and depression. The holidays, with their focus on gift giving and elaborate celebrations, ratchet up the stress. Single moms often wish that they could afford all the holiday trappings, such as expensive holiday shows or island vacations, and they feel guilty that their children might not reap all the joys of the season. Instead of allowing guilt and stress to rule, strategize ways to make creative and inexpensive gifts, look for local low-cost or free holiday events, and plan a winter staycation, complete with a tour of the most elaborate holiday lights and a family baking extravaganzas. Avoid piling up debt for the latest gadgets, which are often cast aside, or fancy holiday feasts that your kids might not enjoy anyway. Instead, show them the meaning of the season by volunteering or helping someone in need. It’s hard to feel stressed when everyone is working together in the spirit of kindness. Spending time with your children and teaching them generosity is the greatest holiday gift you can give them.
4. Ongoing conflict with an ex. Divorce and separation are hard enough, but continuing conflict with a child’s other parent can magnify a single mom’s stress level. The holidays bring out a host of emotions related to family traditions and expectations. Often exes find themselves embroiled in dramas about how to split holiday time, what gifts to give, and whose traditions to follow. Sadly, kids often get caught in the middle. Instead of getting sucked into the drama, try to draw strength from seasonal messages of goodwill and peace. Set an example by helping your kids make a gift for their other parent, biting your tongue if they get home late, and reaching out to in-laws to make sure they feel included. It’s not easy to act like Switzerland, especially if there’s a history of bullying and manipulation, but for the sake of your children and their holiday memories, breathe deeply and know that, in the end, your children will be forever grateful for your ability to disengage. And, guess what? Stepping out of the fray will reduce your stress level as well.
Remember, you have the power to find ways to reduce stress so that you and your family can enjoy the season to its fullest. Happy Holidays! You got this!
