The Shadow Self: Learning How to Engage Your Darker Side

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As we delve into this aspect termed the "shadow self," from Part 1 of this blog series—entitled "The Shadow Self: How Mr. Hyde Operates In Us All—we learned what the shadow self is and how we can learn to observe its operation within us. Now we continue on with how we can learn to cultivate the shadow in us to better balance between our conscious and unconscious realms. Using the reference to the fictional tale of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is perhaps too easy a way to refer to the shadow self. Such notions may conjure up a dark evil lurking within everyone, but that picture is not entirely accurate.

Not All That Is Dark Is Bad

We can learn a lot from the darker aspects of ourselves. And the shadow part in us has a purpose. As mentioned in the first part of this series, the shadow has been constructed through our life experiences, attachments, hurts, and more. The shadow self operates, as Abrams and Zweig (1991) have termed, as a “psychic immune system,” delineating what is self from what is not. The Jungian analyst Liliane Frey-Rohn also explains that some important parts of our shadow self are key to better understanding ourselves. This includes things like our infantile aspects, emotional attachments, and neurotic symptoms, as well as our undeveloped talents and gifts. She also states that the shadow “retains contact with the lost depths of the soul, with life and vitality—the superior, the universally human, where even the creative can be sensed there” (Abrams & Zweig, 1991).

Jung did not see this shadow aspect of our personality as something to be ashamed of or necessarily negative. In the darkness of the shadow self, Jung felt we might also find important answers about who we are and important clues that may guide us in our development, in addition to taming how we perceive things. This process is called shadow work.

It’s becoming increasingly recognized that humans ought to seek stability with their shadow selves and seek reconciliation (Lonngi, 2024).

How Can We Learn to Understand the Hyde in Us Better?

Is it then feasible to teach our own Dr. Jekyll to understand Mr. Hyde? I believe it is. Understanding and integrating the shadow self involves doing some shadow work, such as recognizing and accepting these hidden aspects of our personality, and learning to navigate and balance the conscious with the unconscious, the self with the wounded self, thus leading to a more holistic and authentic understanding of who we are. With this in mind, let's examine a few ways to do some initial shadow work. Any of the following are ways to begin engaging your personal shadow.

Through self-reflection and awareness

Self-reflection allows us to tap some meta-cognitive processes so that we can zoom out and see things with more clarity. Using practices like journaling, meditation, or starting therapy can help us become more aware of our shadow traits. Regular self-reflection can help uncover the shadow parts of your personality that you’ve been suppressing (and even repressing) as a result of ignoring or denying them (Johnson, 1991). Self-reflection and awareness can allow you to gain deeper insights. Take a look at Gibb's Reflective Cycle from the book entitled Learning by Doing. It is a great way to wrap a process around self-reflection and our experiences with the world.

Through emotional honesty

Allowing ourselves to experience and fully express a full range of emotions without judgment is important to shadow work. Accepting one's emotions, rather than suppressing them, can help us understand our shadow self even better (Zweig & Abrams, 1991). When we narrow our emotions in such a way that we restrict them, or feel that we can only see them one way, we allow a simplistic (constrained) view of emotion to become our overriding schema (Leahy, 2018). Guilt and shame, numbing, over-rationalizing, and lack of consensus are just a few ways people tend to invalidate what they feel, thereby debilitating emotional honesty. Remember, your shadow builds on invalidating yourself. Within this area you can begin taking control again by "noting" your resistance to emotional honesty. Then, start a process of questioning how these "patterns of resistance" may have shown up in your life, thereby creating your current resistance to being emotionally honest with yourself. Turn these aspects of noting and questioning into a mental habit daily.

Through "accepting" imperfection

Understanding and accepting that everyone has a shadow side is recognizing the human aspects in us. It is a natural part of being human and can be an important part of our development towards ego-integrity later in life. Embracing our imperfections through acceptance can actually reduce the shame and guilt associated with our shadow traits (Ford, 2010).

Through compassion and forgiveness

Notions of compassion and forgiveness are not easy concepts to consider when the shadow aspects in us feel wronged or hurt. But, by cultivating compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others, and recognizing that shadow traits often stem from past wounds and unmet needs, you can take hold of some dynamic components for your growth. By showing kindness to yourself, you create a "safe space" to explore and integrate your shadow self (Johnson, 1991). By doing so, you expand your internal universe in healthy ways.

Through integration and growth

Using insights gained from shadow work will assist you in better "conscious choices" that you can integrate into your life. This process can lead to enhanced personal growth and a more balanced psyche, allowing for a more authentic and fulfilling life (Zweig & Abrams, 1991). Take "note" of the times your shadow emerges in what you say and do. Reflect on why it emerged. Was it a defense mechanism? A triggered effect? Learn to calm the shadow in you for future interactions. You may even try some adaptive rehearsal potentials as alternative ways of dealing with areas where the shadow has arisen in your life. his reflection and integration activity will grow your balance between the conscious and unconscious.

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The shadow self is an integral part of our psyche, holding the parts of us we may find difficult to accept. It has a purpose. By understanding how it operates within us and engaging in shadow work, we can learn to embrace these hidden aspects and achieve greater self-awareness and personal growth. Embracing our shadow allows us to live more authentically, with a deeper understanding of ourselves and more compassion for others.

Not all dark is bad.

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As essayist Brian Doyle (2011) puts it, “How will we win the war in ourselves, a battle of every hour, in every heart? A gaunt Scot dreamed the answer to this final human question long ago: the victory begins when we speak the hard truth about the Jekyll in us all."