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Key points
- Many people live in “diet culture” where thinness is hyper-idealized.
- Children are born knowing how to eat, and parents can help protect that ability.
- Kids tend to gravitate toward foods they’ve learned are “off-limits” or to be limited.
I work with a lot of parents whose kids have eating or body image issues. And recently, I had the privilege of interviewing Elyse Resch, MS, RDN, CEDS-C, Fiaedp, FADA, and FAND. She’s the co-creator of Intuitive Eating. She’s also the author of The Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens and The Intuitive Eating Journal: Your Guided Journey for Nourishing a Healthy Relationship with Food and co-author of Intuitive Eating, The Intuitive Eating Workbook, and The Intuitive Eating Card Deck: 50 Bite-Sized Ways to Make Peace with Food.
I got to ask Resch about a concern that has come up fairly often when working with parents: “But what if I don’t want my kids eating junk food?”
An essential understanding
Immediately, she stressed an essential understanding and message (personal communication, August 7, 2024): "Parents want the best for their children. They strive to teach them the values and the actions they’ll need to grow up to be productive and responsible adults. For many, this includes the belief that they must teach their children how and what to eat.
"Children, however, are born with all the innate wisdom they need to know how to eat and how much. They know when they’re hungry and full and what foods they like or dislike. Rather than teaching them how to eat, we must help them eat in a way that creates trust in their intuitive wisdom about eating."
What is/is not “junk food"?
She continued, directly addressing the “junk food” reference and common conceptualization in diet culture (personal communication, August 7, 2024): "I have an issue with that term, as it implies something that needs to go in the garbage. Instead, I like to think of all foods as emotionally equivalent. Sure, some foods have more nutrient density than others, but all foods offer energy, and, we hope, most offer satisfaction. We don’t want to teach our children to feel good about themselves for eating vegetables and bad about themselves for wanting cookies. No moral value should ever be attached to food choices."
Moral value. I’ve always found that to be an interesting concept. And for some readers, this might be the first time you’ve thought about “morals” being paired with “eating.” So let me explain a bit here.
As a therapist who specializes in eating and body image issues, I often hear people say, “I’m bad” for eating X or Y; or, I’ve been “good” today. They are referring to what they ate. And if you think that’s only in a therapist’s office, take a week and listen for those types of references in everyday conversations, media ads, television/streaming shows, movies, etc.
That’s primarily because of diet culture. The term “diet culture” basically indicates pervasive, societal attitudes and beliefs about thinness, equating it to health and good/bad foods. Many of us live in a diet culture. To assess if you live in one, think about the following: Is someone thin who never works out and eats “junk food” all day seen (immediately) as more valuable or admirable than someone who is “overweight” by body mass index, works out often, and eats a balanced diet?
Feeding and eating throughout kids’ lifespans
Many of us live in areas where diet culture is pervasive. Resch shares some actions that parents can take throughout their children's lifespans to help them stay rooted in their original natural, unstressed relationship with food (personal communication, August 7, 2024): "To maintain that innate wisdom about food, when children are at the age to be introduced to solid food, parents can include their babies at the dining table whenever possible. Put them in their high chair and put small bits of soft foods on the tray. Then leave them to their experimentation! Give them the autonomous experience of touching the food, trying to put it in their mouth, gumming it, and maybe, swallowing a bit.
"In the first year of their lives, all their nutritional needs are met with the milk they drink. The rest has to do with their sensual experiences and observing their family eating a variety of foods. Kids like to mimic their parents. If the family is eating a diversity of nutritious foods, kids will want to join in and try what others are eating. I once watched a toddler at a restaurant taking pieces of lettuce from their parent’s salad plate. If it looks good for 'mommy,' then it’s going to be enticing for the child.
"When they’re a little older, they’ll be exposed to the foods that you might call 'junk food.' Remember, this food is a source of energy and pleasure. If you attempt to regulate the amount of these foods, children will develop a sense that there are off-limit foods or foods that they can only eat occasionally or in small amounts. This makes these foods especially glamorous and exciting. Children will end up fearing that they won’t be able to access these foods freely, and the fear of future deprivation might arise. Beyond that, a child with a healthy ego is even likely to have rebellious feelings, because their autonomy is not being honored.
"The best path toward helping your child develop a healthy relationship with all types of foods—those with more nutrient value and those that simply add joy to their eating experience—is to put all foods on the table at the same time. Put the cookies out with the rest of the meal. If this is a new experience for a child, they may just go for the cookies and not eat much of the rest. But, once they trust that these fun foods will always be available, the newness and excitement for them will wear off. Some of the time, they might not even be interested in them. For those just starting their journey toward more independence in their child’s eating, make this a regular experience from the get-go. Your child will learn to self-regulate. If they eat more than their tummy can handle, they’ll learn to eat less next time.
"But remember, if you make certain foods 'bad' or “unhealthy, those are the foods toward which they will gravitate."
Bottom Line
All this translates into ways that parents can potentially mitigate the risks of future arguments about eating, food, and body image wars that damage emerging self-esteem, and even clinical eating disorders.
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute a professional relationship.
