4 Good Reasons to Spend Some Time Alone

People who are “single at heart”—who love being single and are happy and flourishing because they are single, not in spite of it—share something important: They cherish the time they have to themselves. That doesn’t mean they do not also value companionship and socializing; most do. But it does mean that they defy the common misperceptions that when people are alone, they are likely to be lonely, and that if they like spending time alone, maybe there is something wrong with them.

Spending time alone because you’ve been ostracized or rejected can in fact be a lonely and deeply painful experience. But that’s something entirely different than choosing to spend time alone and appreciating that solitude.

In their book, Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone, Netta Weinstein, Heather Hansen, and Thuy-vy T. Nguyen describe four of the benefits of solitude.

1. Self-Reflection

Solitude can be a royal road to authenticity. Alone with our thoughts, we can delve deeper, free of the immediate influences of other people and other distractions, and consider who we really are and what we really want.

In a study, people who walk long distances on their own said that the practice was beneficial to them even after they finished their walks. They thought more deeply about their priorities in life and experienced more personal growth and meaning.

2. Rest, Relaxation, and Renewal

Freedom from the presence of other people, along with their wishes and expectations, can offer opportunities to rest and feel relaxed. With solitude comes the possibility of setting aside problems and anxieties and just feeling contented and at peace.

Nguyen and two of her colleagues found that spending time alone can turn down the intensity of emotions. Another huge study of 19 million tweets illuminated some key differences between loneliness and solitude. When people mentioned loneliness in their tweets, they were often feeling depressed or fearful. But when they tweeted about solitude, they were more likely to be describing feelings of contentment, peacefulness, and renewal.

3. Enrichment and Creativity

Alone time can provide fertile grounds for creativity and imagination. Many famous creative types, as well as more ordinary people, produce their best work when they are alone. The domains of creativity can include art, music, dance, writing, cooking, and more.

In a study, people who agreed with the statement, “I don’t have a strong preference for being alone or with others,” were called unsocial. That may sound negative, but the research showed that it is a good thing: The unsocial people were especially likely to say that they were engaged creatively when they were alone.

4. Peak Experiences and the Good Life

Peak experiences, the authors explain, “are moments of feeling joyful and connected to the world and, in a way, transcendent.” They can include feelings of wonder and awe. Abraham Maslow believed that peak experiences often occurred among people who were “self-actualized,” or fulfilling their potential. He also believed that the self-actualized were especially likely to be comfortable in solitude.

In the interviews they conducted, the authors of Solitude found that people sometimes described being “present in a sensory way” when they were alone. They noticed and appreciated sensory experiences more. The people who told me their life stories for my book, Single at Heart, said something similar. They were often sensuous people. When I asked what made them happy, they said things like, “I love the blue of the blue jay at the feeder,” “I love the sound of whip-poor-wills,” or "the cold, sunny walk in the park, the crunchy noise of leaves, and hot, strong coffee in my hand.”

For lovers of solitude, profound experiences (such as peak experiences) as well as everyday experiences that are deeply appreciated (such as sights and sounds and smells) can all contribute to a life well lived.

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